doing me in ?

looking for an outlet, im hoping me writing tonight will be that outlet.
my moods have been changing so much the last few days, well more like the last week or so,
i have tried to go with the flow, and ride out the bad times, but the fact that i am the cause of my 13 year old daughter to start cutting herself is doing me in.
i want to hug her and tell her i love her, tell her i understand, but i cant......... because she doesnt know that we know what shes doing, and again that is doing me in.
i said earlier it was my fault, and i believe it is, i have put so much stress on this little 13 year old angel over the last 2 years or so, i feel she is dealing with this the only way she know how, im a horrible person that doesnt deserve to have the title dad.

dec

((((((((((Dec))))))))))))))

It has got to be so hard to deal with. I'm sorry.

Dec - You are NOT to blame for what your daughter is doing. From everything I know about you, you're a wonderful person. Being a teenager is stressful, and for the most part we feel misunderstood by our elders. It doesn't mean we SI because of them. You are not a horrible person or dad.

Please don't think it's your fault. It isn't. It's a coping mechanism she learned somewhere.
I would think the best way to help your daughter is to make yourself emotionally and mentally available to her the best way you can. When I was harming at 13 I begged for the day when I could sit down with my parent(s) and be able to talk to them like friends and not have that "parental freak-out" over what I had done.

Just be there for her, and if she knows you are there for her, she'll be more likely to turn to you sooner rather than later.

Have you thought about writing a note to leave for her somewhere? That way she has the comfort of privacy but the option of knowing you're there for her?

thank you for your replys, i am scared that if i tell her i know she will have no faith in the school councilor that told us what was going on.
she has been very moody lately and we have been trying to spend some one on one time with her, but she comes across as a 30 something at the age of 13, its all so scary

You don't have to tell her that you know. Just be accepting and validating of her emotions, whatever they are at the time, and be someone she can talk to. When parents have issues, our kids tend to get it both genetically, and they can be affected by what they experience or witness. We might not have been as available for them in many ways, or able to provide the nurturing and validation and open communication that would have been ideal. But we do the best that we can. Maybe letting her know that you are willing to answer any questions she has, about you or life in general or anything else would help. Just be available and willing to communicate openly and honestly, and be accepting of who she is and what she thinks and feels.

You can do it, and SI isn't the end of the world. She has professional help available too, right? If not, maybe you could find someone and just let her know that there is someone else she can talk to.

yikes, a 30 something at the age of 13 Sounds like my neice sometimes......

It isn't your fault, dec!!! The SI isn't, none of it is.....

Rap made some good points.....

((((((((((((((( Dec ))))))))))))))))

Dec... it's not your fault!!!!!!!!!!!!! What's been going on in your life is nothing you've really chosen. Your daughter's got a mom and dad who loves her very much. All teenagers are vulnerable... some start cutting... even those who hasn't had the kind of troubles you've been having. You're always there for her, that I know. This will be ok! Together... as a family unit... you will conquer this as well. I'm here whenever you need my ear.

((((((((((((( K.. D... E ))))))))))))

i saw a new scratch today, i thought we had covered this subject, what is worse is she isnt trying to hide it anymore.
SSSSSCCCCCCRRRRREEEEEAAAAAAMMMMMMMM !!!!!!!!!

(((((((((Dec))))))))))))

Does she know now that you know? If she doesn't, maybe she's looking for someone to be upfront with her?