[CaliRockfish]

Recently i've had a new feeling i've never experienced before.

Possible trigger:

I've been to the point of "I want to die right now"

many times because of immediate feelings being so bad.

However...now it's not so much the "right now." I don't have any immediate plans,

Possible trigger:

don't feeling like killing myself today

. But, I do feel like I don't want to live anymore long term...if that makes sense? I've found myself wandering off during the day wondering how much longer before it's time to throw in the towel,

Possible trigger:

and how i'd do it when the time came.

I don't understand it. I've been overwhelmed before but this seems more like an overall end. I really have a lot I want to experience still. I'm still continuing on with life, but I don't feel like I will make it

Possible trigger:

alive very long

. I just got back from Mexico. Who can sit on a beach in Cabo during spring break and want to die?

Any idea what this change in thinking is, or advice? I'm worried, but like I said I don't feel like I want to go out and do something stupid.

[Ruftin]

(((CRF))) It sounds like severe depression to me and you are overwhelmed by it. It is something you should be worried about. Long term depression can distort your thinking. You begin to think things will never get better, but things can get better, and you can feel better too. Are you on any medication for depression?

[CaliRockfish]

No. Meds have always made me worse. Propranolol for anxiety. Prescribes alprazolam and diazepam for extreme emergencies.

[Ruftin]

Propranolol is actually used for high blood pressure, essential tremors, migraine headaches and can actually cause fatigue and depression in some individuals, as these are documented side effects. Diazepam and alprazolam are for anxiety and can actually cause depression, due to their sedative effect. I'm just not seeing that you are on anything to lift your mood. Are you taking anything else? I hope you don't feel I'm grilling you. I just want to help.

[Ruftin]

Propranolol can actually cause fatigue and depression in some individuals, as these are listed as side effects. Diazepam and alprazolam are for anxiety and can cause depression, due to their sedative effect. I'm just not seeing that you are on anything to lift your mood. Are you taking anything else? I hope you don't feel I'm grilling you. I just want to help.

[Ruftin]

(((CRF))) Are you O.K.??? Thinking of you!

[mrmag]

Things may seem hopeless right now but just try your hardest not to lose it, hope is a very powerful emotion that can trump so much, just try to let your hope grow inside yourself while letting out all of your anger, frustration and sorrow. It does always help to rant every once in a while to, let it out so and the emotional weight should be lifted long enough for you to gain a grip on the world and fight for longer. i wish you the best of luck if you ever need to talk just PM me and ill do my best to help you, hope things get better for you soon.

((((((((CaliRockfish))))))))))