life's "good"

Life's good. Life's great. There's a small chance, however, that I'm lying to myself, because somewhere in the back of my mind the thought of self-harm always subtly creeps in. I'm way better than I was before, but for some reason I keep reminiscing about it.

The only thing that's keeping me right now is that I know if I do it, I'll won't come back this time.

- AJ

Glad life is good! Wonderful.

They say our behavior mimics those that influence us the most in life.

For me self harm is like the abusiveness I had to endure. When it comes up, part of me just says NO you are not going to do that to me anymore. I guess I don't want to be a victim anymore.

It seems like this still comes up but with me taking a firm stand for preserving life, I don't dwell on it so long.

Hi, grey aj,
Hey, really well done on the progress that is seriously something to be proud of!!!
And......."Life's good. Life's great" that's fantastic!!!
And...........you know there's a chance you're NOT lying to yourself, you know??!!
SH can be like a drug........the urges, the "need", the addiction, the pulling you back to.........so reminiscing about it......well it can be natural to feel that pull/that "calling". But as you know it can get better, it has, and it can keep getting better.......sure there might be times when the reminiscing feels........but try to keep hanging in there, hey??
It sounds like you've been doing so well......and you have seen "both sides", what it's like with, and what it's like without...........
But regardless we're here for you..........so you're not on your own with this.

Alison

P.S. if there are any issues that may not be completely resolved which led to SH in the first place..........you know you can talk to us about them, right??

Alison

Thank you for the support. I have a lot of good things going on for me right now, but I think my past of self-harm has hardwired me to focus on every little bad thing that could happen. I know that I should stop worrying so much about the future and the past and just live in present... would that make me a happier person?

- AJ

Hi grey aj, sometimes it can help to "let go of", walk away from the past......."today" is a new/different day with new/different possibilities. But I'd say it can help to use elements of the past to learn from as well.......and to reflect on how far you've come/the achievements you've made maybe???
And you're beginning to see that not every bad thing that could happen will happen......and when/if a bad thing were to happen........well you've got a whole lot more coping skills now than you had in the past to deal with things, right?? You've shown that "just" by getting to where you are today, and you're a whole lot stronger than you were in the past too!!!
The brain doesn't have to stay hardwired in certain areas forever, that can change.
And now........just try to enjoy some of the good things in your life right now, a little more, hey?? Particularly after everything........you deserve them!!

Alison

i reminisce too. hugs