[OneLove92]

I am really struggling with Self Injury. Badly. I also have disassociation disorder, that in itself makes it harder to control it.

Today I'm done. I'm so f****** done with everything and everybody. My only close friend whom is a guy is ignoring me and pretty much telling me to f*** off one minute then he's all over me the next. I'm so confused I wanna cry cause I care so deeply for him and I don't know why he's acting like this. I feel so use by him right how.

My two closest girlfriends don't even know about the self harm. Or that it started again. The one who lives in the same city as me doesn't contact me at all nor take any interest in me since getting together with her new boyfriend. It's like she's forgotten who's been there for her for the last four years while she went through hell. I miss her.

My other girlfriend lives six hours away and can only telephone me everyday. I am so close to her that telling her everything I'm going through would hurt her which would hurt me even more cause I'm the one that caused it.

I feel so alone. Unwanted. Unloved. I have been taken off my AD due to muscle spasms and tachycardia. It seems like everytime I see my nurse it feels like I am a burden and waste of time to her. I just want my Meds back. I want this fight to be over.*

I'm trying so hard to not SI.
It's so damn hard.
I wish I could see my therapist, or at least have the balls to call her or the helpline.

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry that you are hurting so bad. It does sound like it would be a good idea to call either the helpline or your therapist.

I'm sorry your friend can be there for you. Sounds like he is having his own set of problems, but that's no reason for him to hurt you.

You don't have to face this alone. Call for help. Keep posting on PC. We understand how bad life can get and most of us are pretty good listeners.

I'm sorry you are hurting and struggling. And that you (feel as though you) are alone in this.

There are also helplines you can chat with, maybe that's easier for you?

I hope you'll feel better soon.

[OneLove92]

I went back into see my nurse today. I told her I wish to restart my AD cause my symptoms haven't gone away. She says she sees it as an option but won't do it until m therapist preapproves it.

I expressed how done I am with life to her. She didn't seem to sympathetic towards that. I also told her something has to give and I'm so done with this constant daily downward battle that I can't seem to get out of no matter how hard I try or what I do.

At the same time I want to fully disclose this to my therapist but I know that she will dig deeper then my nurse and I am scared to get hospitalized. Even though I am like this I am stil barely able to keep it together and take care of my three kids. I get break with school and daycare which is nice.

I am so scared of snapping. I don't snap on other people (unless they hit me first) I tend to bottle it all up, then snap and explode on myself. I'm scared cause I know what I'm capable of.