Weekly Crises

I'm sorry guys I'm posting so much. I'm in a bad place right now.
Anyways Ive been having weekly crises (I define as crisis as when I come close to self-harming and if I don't do something I will cut). I'm not sure what to do about them though because...
1.Every once in a while I'll call a hotline, but I can tell you verbatim what is said and done.
2. Also I made a coping list with my old-T, but I'm often too distressed to do any of it.
3. I refuse to go back to therapy because I've been in therapy too long already
4. My pdoc would only be concerned about my meds if I talked to her.
My suicide risk is rising too. I feel like I'm in between a rock and a hard place.

Ad Intra sorry you are feeling in crisis.

There are life style changes that can give some relief that I have tried. These are not remedies but things that help me cope.

Diet can have an affect on how we feel. I have to watch what I eat because foods I eat can stabilize my moods or exaggerate them. A high protein low carb diet with snacks or meals every 3-4 hours will over time reduce my swings. I also avoid alcohol and recreational drugs because those can really increase depression.

Here is what I use when my head gets over crammed with thoughts. Breathe in a natural way. Silently count one on the inhale and 2 on the exhale. 3 on the inhale and 4 on the exhale. Continue up to 10 then go back to 1. This helps me focus on breathing rather than the wall of thoughts.

Other lifestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, mindfulness, calm music, and being active on Psych Central.

Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

<3 I'm sorry to hear you are struggling so much lately.
I can really relate to not being able to follow through on an alternate coping list/distractions list after a certain point.
Maybe re-thinking the whole therapy thing might be a good idea? or trying to talk to your PDoc about the meds at least? I know it's difficult to see little improvement after working so hard, but maybe a different approach needs to happen in T? I was in T for 13 years before I started hitting upon something that truely helped. It wasn't so much that I had bad T's, but I was refusing to address some of the huge underlying issues. Not that I am facing that stuff that I didn't want to face, I'm seeing more over-all improvement. I'm not trying to imply that you have stuff you are not facing, just that a change in style or procedure mght benefit you more?
I like CANDC's suggestions around lifestyle support for your mood. They can make a big impact on things...
I hope you are able to find some relief soon. Would you be able to reach out if the sui thoughts start to turn more to intent?

Thank you. If it turns to intent I'll try to reach out.