I don't want to be selfish!!!

(TRIGGER WARNING)

What in God's name have I come to?

I watch a YouTuber named Onision, and he has some amazing, yet very controversial points about cutting, he thinks the whole thing is dumb, and that may sound awful, but before you judge him or me for it, go watch some of his videos on the issue. He IS very harsh, but he has a great point.

And, I had an OCD where I would quite rapidly scrap my tongue against my teeth in times of extreme stress, it was horrible in every way, and nothing was helping me stop. Then my mom found a medicine called OraJel and basically it numbs the pain, but I got addicted to it and almost got hospitalized.

And as of recent, I guess my brain has come to the conclusion that I need a different, less painful way of relieving my stress, frustration, and overall pain. So then thats when the urges to cut started, I started doing it with very inefficient things such as tools used for toning your nails (I don't know what they are called, but they do leave scars and hurt very much). And now I want to use more extreme things such as razors and knives.

I need some help, I haven't told anyone, not even my friends in fear of judgement, there is nothing going on at home making me do this, I just can't help it, it's like a drug, I always frowned upon the whole cutting trend and craze and I don't want to be apart of that group, because the reality of it is pretty pathetic. I need some help, does anyone have some advice??

Thank you, and it's fine, I want to talk about it, I need to.

It is heart-wrenching for me when someone is going through this . Even if it's only on t.v. I feel helpless to help. Very difficult to see and know of the pain that leads to it and not be able to help... to not be able to help or stop it. And it's not a selfish thing to me. When I go through it myself... it doesn't bother me... it's just normal... what I have a very difficult time with is the emotional pain that leads to it.

I know what you mean, and I was just wondering if anyone had some tips or tricks on how to deal with the pain and urges, do you have any advice for me? ^-^

Not so much, i guess... the urges I've had... well, it's like they go into remission, sometimes for years at a time... I didn't ever do anything in particular; I either acted on the impulse or I didn't. Hey, maybe that'll help... reminding yourself that you're acting on impulse. I don't know... I feel kinda stupid.

Don't feel stupid! It's okay, I was just curious if anyone who had experienced the same thing had any advice on how to cope or stop. ^=^

Please don't use a razor. They're like scalpels. You will always underestimate how good they are at doing what they were meant to do. My friend used them and has accidentally cut so much deeper than she intended on multiple occasions. She's lucky she didn't need to be hospitalized for it a few times. Ideally of course, you wouldn't cut at all. But I understand the desire. I do it myself. Just please, don't ever use a razor.

If there is anyone at all you feel safe telling, then I urge you to do so. You might be able to get the support and help that you truly need, and even if you don't, telling someone you know you can trust absolutely can help you cope.
Self harm is a last resort of a person in too much pain to cope with it all. It is not silly or stupid or dumb to be in that much pain. It just means that you tried to be strong, and you couldn't be, and that's not your fault, but now you need to find the help that you need to heal.
Please don't hurt yourself.
But if you do, then please don't use a razor.