[random_emotion]

So I kind of need to explain a little background to get to what I am trying to say. I just want to say I am not saying any of this to get sympathy its just how life turned out.

I was born with a condition that slowly takes away my physical abilities. I have always been a fiercely independant person and have had to except help to an extent. But I am having a really hard time with losing this latest ability that every does without thinking. I thought I would be able to keep showering on my own for at least five more years. This brings up several issues for me one of them is that my cutting is now going to be seen by aides and personal care assistants and I am so scared they are going to react by calling for an ambulance and I know that I need to stop cutting to keep this from happening but I am not in a place right now where I can even attempt that right now. Also this loss of independence is making the urges so bad right now. I just don't know what to do anymore

[kaliope]

i am sorry that you are decompensating so quickly. is it feasible to wear camisole/panties or long slip while you were showered claiming shyness and they could reach under to wash you and limit your cutting to what this material covers.

in the meantime, if you want a suggesting regarding the cutting there was a book I bought called the scarred soul. you can get it on amazon for under 10 bucks. its a work book of sorts to understand si. read a chapter answr 8 or so questions. it was a nice book as in it wasn't threatening to do. it didn't ask you to quit which was a scary idea for me. I wasn't ready to do that. it doesn't ask you to do that till the end of the book. I quit doing the book at that chapter because I wasn't ready. but I didn't cut for over five years after doing the work in the book. then I only cut twice during a complete mental breakdown. it has been nearly 8 years now since then that I still haven't harmed myself so something about the book worked even though I never finished it.

good luck and take care.

[Skeezyks]

Hello broken one: I'm sorry to read of your struggles. This is such a difficult situation. I see you are in Minnesota. This may make your situation doubly difficult because your aides & PCA's may be mandated reporters. If they are, then they could potentially be in trouble if they do not report what they observe, I would suppose. (I'm not an expert with regard to this.) I don't know that I have any useful advice for you. If you see a therapist, or psychiatrist, perhaps the best thing would be to talk candidly with her or him about your situation in an effort to head off a situation where one of your assistants might dial 911 or something similar. My best wishes to you...

[Fuzzybear]