[Maniacal]

I feel like a complete moron. I have been into self harm off/on since I was a teen, but got it under control after getting on a combination of meds that seemed to keep me relatively sane. Until I got pregnant and couldn't take the meds.

Now, I'm under an IMMENSE amount of stress. Things got rlly intense and my emotional pain was too much for me... so I totally lost it, and decided to burn myself by heating up the metal part of a lighter and pressing it to my skin until it no longer burned. I didn't expect it to burn the way it did, but when you hurt SO bad, emotionally, the physical pain doesn't hurt.

The day after, the blisters were opened and NASTY. I couldn't BELIEVE the appearance they took on, they were MUCH deeper than I would have expected from such a little amount of pain. Panic started to sink in as I realized there is NO way I can explain these burns to a doctor w/o admitting how they got there, they are very obviously in the shape of a lighter... almost like several capital D's or A's. I started cleaning them twice a day, applying prescription strength burn cream I had leftover from a previous incident. I cleaned it w/bactine, applied the silver sulfate stuff, and covered with non-stick gauze. I have been wearing compression socks 24-7 since the beginning, and I try to elevate my legs above my heart as much as possible, at least an hr a day, total, but sometimes 2-3hrs. There is NO smell, the bandages have some slightly yellowish tint to them when I change them from seepage, very slight swelling

But what concerns me the MOST is that there is red around the burns that I *think* is extending over time. I know that's a sign of infection if it keeps spreading, but if it rlly IS getting more red it's doing it so slow u can barely tell. Other than THAT, there is no sign of infection. I check my temperature regularly, no fever. I can't imagine why it would get infected when I'm so on top of cleaning it and evn have top of the line creams. If I go to the dr, I am sure they'll consider me suicidal and have me committed. I can't have that, for SO many reasons, but mostly bcuz I don't want child protective services to get involved (I'm pregnant 7 months). I don't know what to do. I have leftover antibiotics... would those help?

Obviously this is a lesson learned, I need to get back on my meds, but I don't know how to explain these burns in a way that would keep me outta the looney bin. Is there something else I can do? Any other signs to look for that would give me a better idea if it was getting infected?

[lowinmood]

you need to go to the doctors, I think you already know this, you could say it was an accident.

You are going to obsess about this burn until you have got it seen to, once you've seen to it you'll feel better.

I recently went to the doctor for burn wounds that weren't healing well. They weren't infected, but weren't healing and I wanted advice on how to treat them. The doctor was very calm about it all. (Doctor knew I was depressed, was seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist, and he knew about past suicide attempts) When I complimented him on this, he said of course he didn't like to see such wounds, but didn't see the point in blaming or judging me. (He said it a little differently, in my language, so it sounded more natural)

It's unlikely you'll be sectioned 'just' for SI. You need to be a clear danger to yourself.

[Maniacal]

See, u won't convince me, this is a small town with a buncha goody goodies, I'm not sure I can take the chance. If I didn't feel like an absolute MORON for this and thought I might do it agn, I'd go, bcuz I obviously need help. But ... I don't feel like this is a problem, this is SO not f'n worth it, I would NEVER do this agn. I simply had no idea it would burn away so many layers from such a little 'sting', by the looks of them, you'd swear I was torturing myself!

Can I post pics? Is that allowed? God, I feel dumb.

[Maniacal]

Originally Posted by lowinmood

you need to go to the doctors, I think you already know this, you could say it was an accident.

You are going to obsess about this burn until you have got it seen to, once you've seen to it you'll feel better.

'Hey, Doc! How'd those get there? Well, u see, funny story! I pressed burning hot metal lighter tops against my leg... on accident, of course. Then I accidentally did it agn, and agn, oh and once more. My hand must've slipped, or something'

I dunno, bro, I think he'll call ********. Lol.

[Maniacal]

Originally Posted by lowinmood

you need to go to the doctors, I think you already know this, you could say it was an accident.

You are going to obsess about this burn until you have got it seen to, once you've seen to it you'll feel better.

'Hey, Doc! How'd those get there? Well, u see, funny story! I pressed burning hot metal lighter tops against my leg... on accident, of course. Then I accidentally did it agn, and agn, oh and once more. My hand must've slipped, or something'

I dunno, bro, I think he'll call ********. Lol.

For what it's worth? I think the compression socks weren't letting enough oxygen into the healing site, bcuz last night I started thinking maybe I should give them air for abt an hour or so a day, and I think that helped bcuz it's less red.

[unaluna]

I guess id be more concerned that what youre putting on the burn doesnt harm the baby. The hospital might be more aware of that? And the longer you wait, the harder it might be for them to get the situation under control. I think thats the bottom line.

[monkeybrains21]

U coul always take a marker and mark the edges of the redness to see if the area is expanding or decreasing over time.

[notz]

Hi Folks, notz the moderator here to cast some light on the question Maniacal posed about posting a picture. If you think about it a picture could be very triggering to others, so the short answer is no. All posts should be supportive and a picture of self injury would go against the spirit of that.

Maniacal, please seek medical help for your injury. If it is a question then it's worth a look by a doctor. Take good care of yourself.

[lowinmood]

Originally Posted by Maniacal

'Hey, Doc! How'd those get there? Well, u see, funny story! I pressed burning hot metal lighter tops against my leg... on accident, of course. Then I accidentally did it agn, and agn, oh and once more. My hand must've slipped, or something'

I dunno, bro, I think he'll call ********. Lol.

For what it's worth? I think the compression socks weren't letting enough oxygen into the healing site, bcuz last night I started thinking maybe I should give them air for abt an hour or so a day, and I think that helped bcuz it's less red.

Yep, they'll probably know your lying! but as someone said earlier, I'd doubt they would section you for a self-harm injury, unless you were suicidal aswell.

No glorifying ... No goryfying ...

I've SI'd on and off for over 50 years (sadly), & literally have thousands of scars on my body to show for it, but if I had one as bad as the one you're describing, I'd go have it checked out immediately, and to hell with what anybody thought about it, I'd set them straight about SI and keeping their traps shut until they educated themselves on it in a heartbeat!



Just go see a doctor or to the ER already, please! ... They can't commit you or lock you up or hold you against your will unless you're currently a threat to yourself or somebody else!

[doyoutrustme]

you can tell them the truth, they won't commit you for that. they'll treat the burn and recommend you to a pdoc.

[Maniacal]

Thank you all, immensely, for your support. At this time, I can definitely see a huge difference in the way it feels/looks, apparently it wasn't getting enough air with the compression socks, and the increased redness around the burns was in my imagination... I did what the previous poster advised and marked the outlines w/a sharpie. At this time they seem to be healing nicely, but I DEFINITELY feel more at ease abt goin to see the dr if it suddenly takes a turn for the worst. I'm just so humiliated. I think I need a punching bag instead. Lesson learned!

Toys R Us sells those inflatable punching clowns ... I used to set them up around my place and smack 'em as I walked by ... Great way to release pent up anger and nobody got hurt!

Also, buy you some colorful markers and the next time you feel like SI'ing ... Draw pictures and write loving thoughts of encouragment and support on yourself instead ... It may sound silly and trite, but I found this to be very helpful and healing for me!

Hoping you continue to heal well, even when and if you have a setback or two!