[Fuzzybear]

Do a lot of you here often feel that people are mad at you, or don't care about you? I asked a question on another site "Are you mad at me?" ... and I got banned. Grrrrr. But about 40% of the people who posted there a lot for 3 months or more probably got banned, or at least got very harshly worded e-mails from the "moderator"

I am glad I found this place.

Take care,
Fuzzy

[Rapunzel]

I don't get that feeling here too much. For one thing, I guess I don't start my own thread asking for help very often, and when I do, someone has always responded. I don't keep track of who replies and who doesn't - it isn't necessary for everyone to respond to me, or even everyone whom I have recently answered or anything like that. The main thing is often that someone has read, understood, and accepted my feelings, and if anyone has advice for me, that's great. Just being here among people who understand goes a long ways for me.

Another thing is, I generally get faster and more satisfying replies here than I do writing to my (former???)T. I don't even know where I stand with him anymore. I can't see him for therapy anymore, but he says we still have a therapeutic relationship, and that I should keep writing to him. But I feel like I'm just always pestering him, and need constant reassurance about that. I probably drive him nuts. I tell him that I can't think of any reason why he should care about me or all the junk I send him. Once in a while he says that he does care, and wants me to keep writing, but he hasn't answered me in more than 3 weeks now (since I told him that there was stuff I wanted to talk to him about but couldn't because I had convinced myself again that I was just pestering him), and even when he does reply, he just doesn't say much. I may as well be talking to a wall! So posting here is much more satisfying.

Feeling like people don't care about you or are mad at you seems to go along with having low self-esteem. There seems to be a lot of that going around here lately. Then when someone posts that they don't think anyone cares about them, or that only a few do, it hurts people's feelings and makes them feel bad for not showing that they care enough, but so many people are so fragile (sometimes if not all of the time) that no matter how much everyone tries to show their concern and appreciation, they will still doubt it.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Fuzzy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Everyone}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Wendy

<font color=orange>"If we are going to insist that people pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, we must ensure that they have boots."</font color=orange>

[Zenobia]

I spent a good portion of my life assuming that anything I said had the potential of getting someone mad at me so I was constantly protecting myself from the possibility and isolating myself. As I worked on my self esteem I found that the olf fear started to fade away and now I rarely feel the major anxiety I felt any time I said anything. I think that feeling better and stronger about myself has made me feel that I will survive if someone gets mad at me whereas before it felt like someone's anger could destroy the world. The confidence that the world will remain intact and I will be able to handle someone else's anger has helped me stop looking for anger where there may not be any. I still can't handle my own anger very well though.

I have found that this forum is for the most part a peaceable place. Most of the time when noses get bent out of joint it gets worked out in a fashion that I suspect I should have learned as a child. Most of the people here are so respectful of one another and do care what happens. Then when there is a incident everyone seems to pull together and try hard to help everyone involved. I like that. On the rare occasion that someone come here looking for a fight or too hurt someone I know that all of you will help protect me. I also know that if I do go over the deep end and say something out of line, all of you will help me fix it and make the apologies that are necessary. This place has been a wonderful learning place for me.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft

[PlanningtoLive]

Yes, I've gotten that feeling. Although like Wendy said, it more than likely is low self-esteem, but that doesn't change the hurt that it inflicts. Not so much people being mad at me though.

I just stay quiet and out of the way most of the time now.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for your thoughtful replies ...

Love,
Fuzzy

[Fuzzybear]

I wanted to reply to this, Wendy, but I got sidetracked Thanks for sharing this! I hope we get to chat again soon,

Love,
Fuzzy

[SweetCrusader]

I hear you. I always think people are mad at me. Usually they aren't but I always think they are. I always expect my T, my roommates, and my friends to be mad or offended by what I say. I think sometimes I probably annoy people by constantly asking if they're mad or annoyed! But I feel like I have to be careful, because I worry that if I offend someone they are going to hate me, and I don't want to lose anybody in my life. So I'm constantly apologizing for just being me. I understand why you asked that on that website. I think you're pretty safe to do that here, so forget that other forum!!! We love you here!!! And we understand!!!!! ((((((((((((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))))))))

Angela

"Blessed be the cracked, for they let in the light"
-Author Unknown