[st0psign]

I'm new to the whole self harming thing. only been doing it about a year and a half. cutting and burning preferring the latter, there's something about the smell that goes with it that makes it all the more special. but now I'm covered in scars that I get questions about frequently and I don't know how to answer them.

And trying to explain this to my family seems to be a dead end, they all care about me and I know that, they just want me to get better. but when I'm at the bottom of the barrel and my brain is racing a mile a minute about how I'm no good and I'm never going to make it, all it takes is a small piece of hot steel to silence those thoughts... even if it is just for a few minutes. I've tried explaining this to them but they just cant wont or ever truly get it, and it makes me feel sad and crazy...

And right now I'm at the point where I'm doing this daily, and I don't know what to do to stop it...

my family never understood self harm- i used to ave to lie or the time, " i don't know where they came from", or " i fell", or sometimes just "and what's it to do with you"

sad thing about my experience is that they couldn't care either way, and i'm not sure why that is.

i think families like to think they are doing the best for their children and being supporting, and providing you with what ever you need, so don't understand why you choose to harm yourself later on

or maybe it's down to the ignorance of not wanting (or not really asking) about MI- and your experience

either way i'm sorry you're going through this

[Frankbtl]

Hi st0psign

I'd say if they've never "been there" themselves it can be hard to understand, and even moreso when it's someone close to them, some might go into autopilot on "It has to stop" just wanting it all to go away finding it hard to accept that stopping just isn't that "easy", some find it scary going into depth on it, some will go on the defense, some will see it as a judgement on them/their parenting............lots of different reasons some people don't want to/can't understand...........
But...........you've tried explaining which is great, now maybe if they could hear it from outside sources as well?? Maybe it could add more "credibility" to what you've tried so hard to explain, maybe they'd find the complexities harder to dismiss if they were there "in black and white"/as actual facts??
So perhaps there are some resources you could give them??
And perhaps they may feel more of the control they may be looking for/feeling they lack if you told them exactly the sort of things they could do/not do which may help a little (even write it down for them!!), might make them feel more empowered in helping??

Of course there's still no guarantees they'll fully "get it", and if not then maybe you could eventually reach a point where you can "just" accept that, block out some of the things they may be doing/saying that aren't helping and put all your focus on people who do "get it", who can give you support..........like people on here

And ways to stop it.........well you're going to find lots of suggestions on here, but it can be as much about gradually finding or developing ways that work for you.........but it can be done

Although for now, maybe it would be much easier to focus more on reducing it or trying to skip times where you may have otherwise SI'd??
Thinking in terms of "just" stopping can seem like an impossible mountain to climb when the urges are there............

And almost forgot.........the questions you don't know how to answer.........I'd say that you don't even necessarily have to answer them, you could always shoot back something like "I'd rather not talk about it" and change the subject.........that can work on a lot of people who question..........

Alison

[Fizzyo]

I've had awkward questions too. I generally either ignore the question or brush it off with a comment like "it's old". With healthcare professionals, I'm generally honest when they ask, but I've been lucky, they usually just note that it's self inflicted (and not domestic abuse) and don't push it any further.

A friend of mine who's daughter also self harms was trying to get her head around it. I told her it was a survival strategy, hence had a positive side to the motivation as a way to get through the pain rather than self destruction.
She said she could appreciate that explanation which helped her feel less frightened by it and maybe understand a little more, but it still hurts her to see her daughter injure herself.

Sending calm and caring wishes and I hope you can feel some of them.
❤️

It is hard for those who have never experienced it first hand to understand why we do this to ourselves. Hell, even those who have experienced it might not fully understand, everyone is different and has different reasons.

Do you have someone you can talk to about this outside of family? A therapist or doctor? While your family will want to support you if they can't fully understand then it might be best talking to someone who has more of an understanding.

[Idler]

I'm on the same page as Frankbtl - in my experience it's the rare person that can understand without having been there themselves. For my part, I've generally chosen to do it in places that won't be visible to people - removes the necessity to make lame excuses that nobody buys anyway.

Fwiw, I hope things get better, and that you find someone you can talk to about this honestly and without shame or being judged.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by st0psign

I'm new to the whole self harming thing. only been doing it about a year and a half. cutting and burning preferring the latter, there's something about the smell that goes with it that makes it all the more special. but now I'm covered in scars that I get questions about frequently and I don't know how to answer them.

And trying to explain this to my family seems to be a dead end, they all care about me and I know that, they just want me to get better. but when I'm at the bottom of the barrel and my brain is racing a mile a minute about how I'm no good and I'm never going to make it, all it takes is a small piece of hot steel to silence those thoughts... even if it is just for a few minutes. I've tried explaining this to them but they just cant wont or ever truly get it, and it makes me feel sad and crazy...

And right now I'm at the point where I'm doing this daily, and I don't know what to do to stop it...

I cut and burned too and i have very visible scars, especially on my hands, forearms and. ..wait for it...yes! My face!

Rude people ask questions that are none of their business. I do one of two things...if it's a stranger, I tell then it's none of their business. If it's someone that I know but not particularly close to, I say I had an accident. Only to very close people do I tell the truth...and they already know so they don't ask.

You don't have to answer questions about your scars to anyone. It's none of their business.

(Hugs)
Seesae

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