[sinking]

I have restarted drinking and cutting at work or wherever i am and i need it. i feel like I AM BACK. not drinking, not cutting, not swallowing more pills than prescribed sounded so not like me. i am happy i am back, its like having my identity back.
but im sad i disappointed everyone around me... how do i separe this from ME?

[seesaw]

Okay, forgive my tone if it's blunt. I mean this from a place of love.

Drinking, cutting, pills...that's not your identity. That's your illness. Perhaps you've had your illness so long that you don't know who YOU are anymore. Of course it feels good to relapse, then you don't have to deal with real emotions, you can numb yourself to the world around you. Dealing with life is hard, but no real happiness can come from continuing to self harm.

Have you ever heard of the term "reparenting"? I think, just my opinion from what little I know, that you would benefit from learning how to reparent yourself. I think also you need to try new things and find out what are the thinks you like and dislike and what really makes up the person you are.

I very much identify with not understanding your own identity, it can make for a lot of pain and suffering. Do you have T or pdoc that you see?

Seesaw

[sinking]

Thank you Seesaw, you are completely right. i have T today later on, and i'll try to work on this. but you are absolutely right! THANK YOU

don't look at me for advice!. (no, seriously!)

i'm shown all these coping methods and stuff, but never use them.. i know i have to do it more

i confess that SI is actually a big part of my life- about a big a part of my life as it is for someone else to breav

that's embarrassing, but that's something i have to confess... something i've given up trying to control because i don't get anywhere

[sinking]

My T said the bad coping techniques made me feel stronger nor more true to myself. maybe she is right... so that i could face ANYTHING. without them i can face nothing. not even just getting up in the morning....