[pastelcapricorn]

I self harm and my dad doesn't seem to understand. I told him it was like an addiction - and he's telling me to "stop it right now, because you can." He also called me a "stupid *****" and "silly cow", because I self harm - "you're going to be a ****ing messed up adult. you're messed in the brain." I told him it was similar to his smoking, but he just yelled at me more. I don't really want to stop self harm - like some of you will understand, it's an addiction... I want to see a psychologist but... what do I do?

[Demunie]

Hi Pastel,

I'm sorry...Your father hasn't reacted adequatly. He should have tried to understand you and offer you support.
. Is this the first time your father heard about your SI? How did he find out?

What to do now? Hmmm... Could you talk with your mother instead?
You want to see a psychologist, but..? You could tell your father that, as he put it, you don't want to be "messed up" in your head anymore, but to solve that, you have to see a psychologist...

I understand that you don't want to stop self harming. It's a "great" coping mechanism. I hope that, as soon as one starts to feel better, the self harming won't be needed anymore and stop anyway.

Take care

[pastelcapricorn]

Thanks for the support Demunie.
My dad found out a few days ago actually, via email - I sent him a long detailed email describing my emotions, depression, self harm and everything, but my brother saw the cuts and told him - I don't think he knew how bad they were, so he was okay with it until he started freaking out.
He told my mum about the cuts through the phone (they're divorced) and she thinks it's a phase like my dad does. She joked around with it a bit though - but she still just tells me "you should probably stop that".
I also spoke about seeing a psychologist in the email, my dad said he'd talk to my school but he hasn't. I'm going to bring the topic up again in a bit.
(Also I think I already posted a reply - not sure though. I'm new to this website, so... excuse me if I post twice. )

[pastelcapricorn]

Right - Uh, I spoke to my dad about seeing a psychologist. He went mental in the end and started screeching in my face that "Im the only one who can help myself". Literally though - I was crying, he was yelling loud, he told me to leave the room so I stood up and walked out, he followed me still yelling, then I stopped on the first step and yelled back. He then said something and I went to leave up the steps - he grabbed my arm and pulled me back, screamed in my face (literally like 1 inch) like "Don't walk away from me". I was crying my eyes out and yelling aswell, I pulled away, yelled something at him and ran upstairs. Basically he's convinced there's nothing wrong with me no matter how many times I've tried to calmly explain that it's not how he thinks it is. He won't change his mind, and he will NOT let me see a psychologist. I'm still crying as I type this. If it helps, he's the cause of my depression and self harm...

I'm sorry. I went through much of the same - I was depressed and suicidal. I talked about it to my tutor at school, who told it to the year coordinator (not quite intentionally - apparently they were discussing all students one by one and when they reached my name my tutor burst out crying), who called my parents. My parents pretty much said "Yeah, everyone feels like that sometimes" and ignored it.

[pastelcapricorn]

Your parents sound just as clueless as my dad. I'm sorry.
Do you think I should try confronting my tutor? I don't know them very well - and I'm not sure how they'd react.

[adam_k]

Your dad isn't offering you any support. In a perfect world he would be able to understand and get you the help you want. You may have to be your own advocate and find someone to help you. Starting at school would be a good place. There should be a counselor that you can try and talk to. Beyond that maybe you can find the number to a local psychologist or therapist and explain your situation. Coming from a professional your needs may be better heard.

Self harm can be different for a lot of people. From what you describe you are really depressed and self harm may be a way to cope with how you feel. If you take that away by just stopping you are still left with the problems and without an effective means to deal with them. Therapy can teach you some skills to improve the quality of your life or help you sort out issues that are causing you distress.

Ignore your dad's ignorance that you can just stop and all of this is in your head. Your pain is real and your emotions are valid.

I'm not a therapist, but if you want someone to vent to or get some advice you can message me. I hope you are able to find the help you need and keep fighting for yourself.

[Demunie]

Originally Posted by pastelcapricorn

Right - Uh, I spoke to my dad about seeing a psychologist. He went mental in the end and started screeching in my face that "Im the only one who can help myself". Literally though - I was crying, he was yelling loud, he told me to leave the room so I stood up and walked out, he followed me still yelling, then I stopped on the first step and yelled back. He then said something and I went to leave up the steps - he grabbed my arm and pulled me back, screamed in my face (literally like 1 inch) like "Don't walk away from me". I was crying my eyes out and yelling aswell, I pulled away, yelled something at him and ran upstairs. Basically he's convinced there's nothing wrong with me no matter how many times I've tried to calmly explain that it's not how he thinks it is. He won't change his mind, and he will NOT let me see a psychologist. I'm still crying as I type this. If it helps, he's the cause of my depression and self harm...

Wow. This sounds awful. How are you know? May i ask why you can't live with your mom? Your fathers home doesn't seem to be a good place either.

I think you should try at school. Talk with a teacher,counselor. Is there anyone you can trust? Or you could call a local helpline, talk with your primary care doctor

[pastelcapricorn]

Originally Posted by Demunie

Wow. This sounds awful. How are you know? May i ask why you can't live with your mom? Your fathers home doesn't seem to be a good place either.

I think you should try at school. Talk with a teacher,counselor. Is there anyone you can trust? Or you could call a local helpline, talk with your primary care doctor

My mom can't have children living with her because she accidentally hurt my half brother one day? He was yelling for biscuits or something and she was on the phone - apparently she accidentally pushed him into a radiator or something. Authorities got involved and they blamed it on her Weed addiction - so, she can't have children living with her for about two years.

[pastelcapricorn]

Originally Posted by adam_k

Your dad isn't offering you any support. In a perfect world he would be able to understand and get you the help you want. You may have to be your own advocate and find someone to help you. Starting at school would be a good place. There should be a counselor that you can try and talk to. Beyond that maybe you can find the number to a local psychologist or therapist and explain your situation. Coming from a professional your needs may be better heard.

Self harm can be different for a lot of people. From what you describe you are really depressed and self harm may be a way to cope with how you feel. If you take that away by just stopping you are still left with the problems and without an effective means to deal with them. Therapy can teach you some skills to improve the quality of your life or help you sort out issues that are causing you distress.

Ignore your dad's ignorance that you can just stop and all of this is in your head. Your pain is real and your emotions are valid.

I'm not a therapist, but if you want someone to vent to or get some advice you can message me. I hope you are able to find the help you need and keep fighting for yourself.

Thanks for helping me, Adam. I'll try and reach out to my school about it -
It'll be a bit scary for me, but I'll try.
Thanks again.

I would suggest reaching out at school too. Is there a teacher that you particularly trust and get on with? Explain to them that you tried talking to your dad and he didn't understand. They might be able to talk to your dad and explain to him that it's not just a phase or something you can stop like that. You might find the he listens more to them as they are an adult... Sucks but thats sometimes the way it is.

Keep pushing for support, you're doing the right thing. I ignored it for years and am paying for it now.

[LyricsThatSing]

I know this is a very hard time, and self-harming is indeed addictive- but speak out, tell someone you trust like your teacher. Don't bottle everything in- it'll just be worse. Stay strong, and I'll be here. You can also speak on Hangouts (gmail) to HateyGhost Inbox. I find this helping a lot since all of the people there are people who went/ are going through this phase. Speak there if you need to.