[sinking]

I need to cut, but sometimes, like now, even that takes too many energies and i give up and i just drink or take small ODs.

i want to be a good cutter and sometimes i feel i am a failure at even that, even if i've been doing it for more than 10 years i still feel not a real cutter. i want it deeper, more serious. i did get some stiches every now and then but its not enough.

i want to be a good cutter and feel the huge relief that making a big slash gives you, without the fear of it having been too big, too deep. just the huge relief. of being a real good cutter...

[Demunie]

Know exactly what you mean...



Take care

Yep i can definitely relate to that... I seem to be cutting less recently..wondering if it's because I can't seem to cut deep enough so there doesn't seem much point anymore...

[FallingTears]

Don't aim to cut people!
Aim to STOP!!
Aim to find an alternative!
Being a good cutter is a SAD goal!
I got "really quite good" at burning myself and now I have purple welts on my legs and white splotches all over my arms.
My upper arms are the victim of my switch to cutting. I only aim to bleed but I find myself doing it 7-8 times in a row and still I don't bleed enough. I don't want to be better at it!!!!
Please reach out for help!

[SheHulk07]

Originally Posted by sinking

I need to cut, but sometimes, like now, even that takes too many energies and i give up and i just drink or take small ODs.

i want to be a good cutter and sometimes i feel i am a failure at even that, even if i've been doing it for more than 10 years i still feel not a real cutter. i want it deeper, more serious. i did get some stiches every now and then but its not enough.

i want to be a good cutter and feel the huge relief that making a big slash gives you, without the fear of it having been too big, too deep. just the huge relief. of being a real good cutter...

I feel like that, too, and I hate feeling like it but I don't know how to stop feeling like that.

[random_emotion]

I feel that way too and the longer I go without cutting the more I feel like a failure at cutting

[LittleLeah]

I understand this. I've been cutting off and on for 16 years. I went nearly 5 years without cutting and since I started up again I felt like a failure because it no longer worked for me. It didn't give me the relief it once did. I can't even figure out why I think this is a bad thing. Isn't that what anyone in recovery wants is to find that when they relapse it no longer holds the same power it once did? Instead I just miss it. The compulsion is still there but relief is gone. I also hate the scars. I used to love them and they were a goal but maybe it's because I've grown up that I hate having to explain them as an adult.