if i start, i'm not going to stop....

...and that's exactly what I want to do.







it shouldn't have happened, and i shouldn't have been the one left to deal with the aftermath. but i am, and it hurts, and there's no other way to get rid of the ucky stuff inside me.

I understand how you feel. I know if I SI ever again it would just go and go. Is there any particular coping thing that works for you. I have to do things with my hands if I feel the urge. I paint, clean, play with playdo, organize towels, do sudoku. Also you could make a list of the pro and cons to cutting. Sometimes I just have to tell myself that I feel like this right now, it is only temporary, i will feel better about myself if I get through this without SI. I don't know how you are emotionally right now or what you are able to do. I believe you can get through this. Just remember that coping skills don't make everything perfect, they just help keep you safe until you get through what your going through. If you don't SI the coping worked. Hope this helps

(((((Candybear)))))

(((((((((((((((((candybear)))))))))))))))))

i'm sorry you are hurting!

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candybear said:
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it shouldn't have happened, and i shouldn't have been the one left to deal with the aftermath. but i am, and it hurts, and there's no other way to get rid of the ucky stuff inside me.
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Hi Candybear,
I really relate to how you described that. About the yuky stuff these incidents leave inside you. Thats what happens to me and I get triggered, i know how overpowering the urge to act out is. Sometimes it helps to move, to pray, to rethink etc. Would it help to describe what happened?

I know its usually something crazymaking, and it can be hard to give the full picture with the full meaning cos these things can be so subtle and insidious, but shocking none theless.
Good luck, get through this night safely!

River.

(((((((((((((((((((((Candy)))))))))))))))))))
I'm so sorry your hurting right now ... . please PM me if you want to talk ... ever okay?? you know that I am here for you. I hope that you are okay now .... i worry about you.

Please try and stay safe ....
Sending hugs and love
Jacq

<font color="#000088">I know what you mean about not being able to stop if you start. It's called a vicious cycle! And it is very scary to be there. I'm really sorry you are having to be there. I really hope you can get through this, without getting caught up in a vicious cycle. I know exactly what it feels like, and I know you don't want to go there. I think the coping skills idea is a really good idea! A lot of times when I'm having a rough time, in order to keep my hands busy, I'll start doing all the dusting around the apartment, or if you live in a house, you could dust the house, or if I have any dishes to do, I'll get them done to, and get the trash out. Just anything I can find to keep me busy, but usually that stuff is already done since I have an OCD for cleanliness. So I'll sit and write poetry, or even just a letter to a friend, or like one of the others said, writing the pro's and con's, is a really good idea as well! I really hope everything works out, and you're okay. And you're able to keep yourself from self-harming! I wish you the best in all your efforts! And you'll be in my thoughts as well as you fight this! Believe that you're not alone in this fight, we fight together in this, and there is more power in numbers!You've got my support all the way!</font>