[mairead.heckler]

Hi, I am a 14-year-old girl who suffers from schizophrenia and depression. It's been hard to get help lately and I'm not sure I believe that I have it, the voices tell me their wrong. But anyway, I do SI a lot for two reasons, when my life is going bad it is a release of pain, I feel like I'm getting back at everybody but at the same time punishing myself for being the things people call me. I also SI because the voices tell me to, they say they will hurt me or my family if I don't and will make my life miserable. I just wanted to know if anyone else releases pain like I do or just to kill?

[gayleggg]

I use it to kill the emotional pain. When i need to control my emotions I SI.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this at such a young age.

[Fuzzybear]

[Victoria'smom]

I do it for different reasons, never to kill.

Normally for a release, has never been to kill. In fact here have been time I did it to prevent myself from trying to kill myself. It helps calm things down in my head.

I do it for the blood.

(I don't actually intend to kill myself by doing it, the blood just feels good)

I often say that pain and hatred washes away with the blood.

[SheHulk07]

There's part of me that when I SH I think that maybe if I cut too deep or got an infection I could die, and other times its just to punish myself or release the pain of the emotions I'm dealing with.

[random_emotion]

I have done it for both reasons usually its to create a release of pain but I have also done it to kill

[AlittleUnsteady]

I do it to either punish myself or to numb out.

[ickydog2006]

I used to do it to numb, release pain, and stop panic attacks and sometimes the voices would go away for a few minutes. I highly encourage you to seek help and meds. I'm schizophrenic and hallucinations continued to get worse as I aged and escalated to delusional episodes as well as all consuming hallucinations where all my senses were telling me I was somewhere else, by my early 20's. It has taken years of therapy, a few hospitalizations, and many different Dr's and trying different medications to become stable. I'm almost 29 and have been hallucination free for almost two years. I attempted suicide a few times, the last time when I was 15 and I kept attempting suicide when I would quit cutting because the idea of living without cutting was just too much. It's okay to need help and other people. Don't try to handle it alone. Starting therapy young helped me hold on to reality for longer, and learn reality checking techniques, but even those are almost never enough as the illness progresses. Thanks to meds (and God, I believe) I have an amazing life, a wonderful husband, a 6yr old son, the ability to get a job if I needed to (although thanks to my husbands job I am able to stay home and focus on volunteer work). It has been a really rocky road with lots of ups and downs. Navigating meds and the different side effects was hell at times, but it has all been worth it to have the life I do now.