[SweetCrusader]

After two years without any cutting, I did it again. It makes me sad, like I flushed two years down the toilet. I understand about relapses and how almost everybody has them, but I never have allowed myself the same compassion I allow others. I've been really hard on myself. Part of me is saying I ruined it all and there is no point in stopping myself any more because now my two years is over anyway. I don't even need to cut now, emotionally. The crisis is pretty much over. But now I'm having a hard time seeing the point in not cutting. I used to be able to say "I don't want to ruin my two- year record." How do you pick up and move on again after a relapse? How do you stop yourself a second time?

SweetCrusader

"Blessed be the cracked, for they let in the light"
-Author Unknown

[Lexicon78]

I know for me the best thing to do when I want to cut but want to keep my clean time is I challenge the negative thinking I'm having, distract myself with anything and everything, just keeping myself busy, and I try to focus my attention on something else. If all else fails I try to make myself sleep! I've been clean only for a couple months but it seems to be working. If I keep my hands busy then I'm doing really well, so I get on the net sometimes (when I'm around a computer) and just type emails, type anything really or I write a lot in my journal. If I don't have much to write about I write about anything and nothing! Just keep busy.

I hope this helps some. Good luck and stay safe!

[SweetCrusader]

I do a lot of the same things, actually. And they do help. I think I'm out of danger now. (Phew!). Thanks for your advice and support!

((((((((((((((((((Lexi)))))))))))))))))))))))

"Blessed be the cracked, for they let in the light"
-Author Unknown

[cat_eye]

two years? THAT'S AWESOME!! I can't even go without it for a week at a time.

[SweetCrusader]

Thank you! See, I didn't get too caught up in it before quitting. The first time I did it, I knew for sure it was going to be addicting for me- I absolutely LOVED it. And that scared me. But I told myself I was going to find another way to deal and promised myself this was only temporary. One thing I did to nip it in the bud was that I wouldn't allow myself to buy razors for the sole purpose of cutting. I just used the ones I had for shaving. That way I didn't have anything in front of me constantly triggering me, ya know? But even then, I took to it pretty quickly. "Luckily," I had a breakdown around that time and ended up bawling in front of one of my English professors, who made me promise to get help. I was in a psych class, so I went to that professor, who is also a T, for help. She knew right away that I was cutting and she helped me deal with my feelings otherwise. I think if I hadn't gotten help earlier on, I would've had a HARD time quitting. So I count myself VERY fortunate in that. And I am a major over-achiever perfectionist, so I was REALLY, REALLY down on myself when I relapsed a few weeks ago. But now I know that these things happen and I'm going to be ok. Anyway, so that's my long rambling story! That's why I was able to make it two years. Not because of my own "strength" or something, lol!
But I do thank you for your reply to my post anyway...

SC

"Blessed be the cracked, for they let in the light"
-Author Unknown