self hate si trigger

I cut the other day ...something dirty and with dust on it (dont want to say what it was just in case someone uses the same after i post this) av gotam infection my husband been great looking after me
but all i want to do is cut ... my husband knows he is so supportive but i feel like i should cut because i think am worthless ...my husband cares too much for me to do that sometimes i feel angry that he cares
when i should be cutting or hurting myself some way
i dont know what he see in me that is worth anything

i have so much self hate but i dont have anywhere to express it

Asphyxia, I'm sorry you're struggling.
When I think that no one sees anything in me, that I have no worth, I think about what I would tell my best friend if she had these thoughts.

Ask him.
He obviously loves you deeply.

He has stuck with you knowing what you deal with, at least the result of dealing with it.
Whatever he sees in you is such that seeing the pain of a loved one and feeling the pain of seeing that is worth it.

I once had someone very close to me.
I opened up and she didn't ridicule or shun me for cutting myself.
She was sad and angry that I did it but she accepted it.
Eventually, I saw just how much deeper my cutting cut her than it did me.
I held that thought close to my heart whenever I felt the urge...

Just remember.
You have the unconditioned love of another.
You have life in spite of your pain.
You have empathy as per this post.
You also have the blade...

So please.
Find your sheath, because when you cut yourself.
You cut those you hold closest.