boo..

hi..
i'm new to pc..
i thought i would introduce myself here in cutter's corner since it feels like familiar territory to me and i'm sure i'll be posting here in the future..

i'm a 42 year old married mom of a college age son..
i grew up in an insane household of mental illness and alcoholism.. i was the brainy one.. the quiet one..
at about age 15 i first cut into my own arm while smoking marijuana with friends..
this was the 80's and believe me.. back then no one talked about si/cutting.. i'd never heard of it before..
by 18 i discovered when trying to cut my wrists that just cutting and bleeding helped me so much.. i thought at the time that i was the only one doing such a thing..
and i have had a self-injury problem ever since..

so over all these many years i have developed as many alternate coping tools as possible and read every book on the subject.. had many years of therapy..
i still cut. it helps me sleep.. it dissociates me when i have become too overwhelmed.
but i don't cut as often..

i believe that cutters are people who need a kind of ritual or concrete expression of their pain.. and with that instinct i have tried to turn as many potential cutting episodes instead into art or writing..
now i have an entire online gallery of paintings and collages.. i also make short films, write poetry.. even have written an entire book about my childhood..

so that is me..
i still have very strong cutting urges but i only cut maybe once in every 3-4 months.. the thing that stops me is that i am a roadmap of scars and it is so hard to hide from others..
i'm also in recovery from anorexia and have a heart condition.. what i hate more than anything is lying there naked at the dr's having to answer questions about my scars.

anyway..
anyone who wants to visit my gallery is invited, there are 2 hallways at my website 'gumbyland'.. in my profile..
there is also stuff at my blog.. and my poetry..
please take care as the writing is especially triggering..

i encourage anyone trying not to cut to try creative expression any way you can.. even if it is all red..
take care and i'll probably be hanging around..
ghost

Welcome to PC. We're pretty understanding here. I look forward to getting to know you.

Candy

hi candybear & thanks!
ghost