[lucozader]

Hello everyone.

It's been almost a decade since I last self-harmed - or at least since I last deliberately cut myself.

Recently I've started to really feel an urge to do it. I think because of stuff that's going on for me in therapy.

Tonight I really want to.

Ten years and it's still there - I guess it's just been lurking all this time.

I hate myself so much, I want to hurt myself.

[justxholdon]

I know how you feel. Do you have a self care list or distractions and comforts you can use?

[lucozader]

Thanks for your reply... Your username seems very appropriate right now!

I had a look at the list of distractions/other coping mechanisms on here. None of them sounded like they'd be anywhere near sufficient but I am trying...

I can't do it, really. I wouldn't be able to hide it from my partner. I wouldn't even know what to do it with... I'm so anxious these days about infections and stuff, it'd have to be a sterilised hospital blade! Those things are helping to stop me.

But I'm so worried that I want to this much. After so long.

[whisperingskye]

An old care coordinator gave me this list once. There are a lot of different things you can try, I don't know if it will help or not.

http://www.nshn.co.uk/downloads/Distractions.pdf

Ten years is a long time, I hope you can keep it up.

Keep reaching out here if it might help at all, even if it's just to vent

[lucozader]

Thank you Skye. I shall have a look at that site.

[justxholdon]

Hey there, just checkin in to see how you're doing if you wish to share.

[lucozader]

Originally Posted by justxholdon

Hey there, just checkin in to see how you're doing if you wish to share.

Thank you, I really appreciate that!

I haven't SHed and the urges have been much less powerful today. I don't think I'm out of the woods but I feel hopeful...

[justxholdon]

You're quite welcome!

!! That's awesome. Hang on to that hope - you got this.