Struggling Again

I've been clean for nearly a year—probably a month or so shy, but I'm really having a hard time not self-harming again. A really, really hard time. My family isn't much for emotional support (fortunately, still helping financially), but my psychologist is great, my SO is amazing, and my best friend where I now live is probably one of the best I could have ever thought to have.

I might be stress-related. ...Hell, it probably is. University classes are sitting here like, "Hah. Yeah, no. Get rekt." The plethora of psych disorders are doing the same. My financial situation is shaky. This manic episode is really kicking me in the face.

Well aware it's a not good idea, but it's just... not easy to resist, and these thoughts been gaining strength again the last three week, monthish. I suppose the "head-desk" thing I do out of annoyance or frustration is self-harm. I've done it to the point of causing myself physical pain or hard enough that my SO can hear the desk shake and hit the wall.

I'm fighting hard not to, but I'm so close to giving in. I can't take it anymore. I just wouldn't want to have tell or lie to my SO or best friend, and I sure as hell am not going in patient again.

In my experience with my "up" episodes, a good quality is always finding a new project (granted they usually don't get finished, but hey) and it serves as a great distraction away from thoughts of self-harm. And that's how I get through it. Distraction with a side of distraction. Constantly keep myself busy and I can't do any real damage.

Do you have any hobbies or activities you enjoy, if so, would you like to make a few projects out of them?