self harm as coping

so regret all the scars and now having to lie to explain them away. it has gotten worse over the past 6 months of counseling. was i deceived in thinking that with counseling it would get better?

Hi kathy

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time right now, but I've still got to really commend you for reaching out for help in counseling!!
And as for the counseling, I don't know if you have a counselor who is not so good.........but one thing to consider is that often it can involve really exploring/facing up to/"reliving"/confronting some real difficult things..........and that can be real hard, as I'm sure you know!!!
And things can get worse..........
But having said that sometimes going through all of that can be helpful in moving on or moving more away from the things causing you difficulties...........even though those difficulties may not have seemed as bad as now..........maybe they could have been having a much bigger impact on you than you thought or/and they deserved to.............so if counseling could help...........again, good on you for trying it!!!
And how long things can feel worse for............that can completely depend on the person and what they've been through.........wish I could give you some answers but......
Ultimately though, please make sure you're letting the counselor know how much worse things are for you and that way they can gear the counseling around that, and if you at anytime you have concerns that they aren't what you need/aren't that good, discuss it with them and look elsewhere for counseling if you need to. hey?? Just you try to stay safe

And lastly........regretting the scars
I'm guessing, as so often, that it wasn't an actual "deliberate/considered" choice when you SI'd?? You know, as in "Do I want tea or coffee".........
There was a lot more going on for you than that, right?? And as you've said it was about coping.........and coping when you felt that you had no other options available to you??
It can be so easy to look back in hindsight and say "Why didn't I........" or "Why did I have to........" but it can beso far from that in the moment or at the time, right??!!
So what I'm saying is, maybe try a little more compassion towards yourself??
And, absolutely try what you can in moving forward/away from the causes/reasons for the SI..........counseling........talking to us...........whatever safely helps

Alison

Thank you Alison, very encouraging.

One day away, you can do it.
I so wanted to SH Wednesday, I didn't got busy unpacking instead and ended up accidentally hurting my arm on a light bulb. I found that it worked the same as SH does, the physical pain distracted me from the emotional pain. Although, I would not and have never hurt myself in that way. I found it strange that I like that I got hurt. Not good, I know. Anyway, so happy for you, what is your next goal?-k