[_Hope_]

i have such a strong urge to cut right now. just had a diffultcult conversation with hubby. found out he prefers porn and his hand to me. that he think i am not worth the effort. , need to see it need to feel it the blod the pain must keep writing must not do it stay strong don't give in help help help, it is my family all over again nothingi do is good enough , what does he want from me what more can i give to be the wife that he desires , why do i care to please a man who obviously doesn't care for me .. i am so confused and hurt right now i want something to make sense . i understand cutting as strange as it may seem it makes sense to me . i get relief , why is it that i can deal with physical pain yet emotional pain is killing me , i don't want to kill myself but i don't want to live either , is it wrong to pray to die to pray to perish in some natural disaster or be the victim of a freak accident . i am hurting so bad what did i do to deserve this life . because no matter how hard i try i seem to always end up in the same place.

[SweetSunshine]

(((((((( BPD))))))))))) ohhh hon. I so know where you are rightnow. The past few weeks I've wanted so bad to cut. But I keep remebering how hard I worked to stop. I had one set back in there and then moved on from there. You can do this too. You can know that your a good person. That you give and love and care for your family . That your a worthy person.

Sometimes our husbands dont understand how the words they say hurt us. They dont get us or our disorders. The past 3 days here with mine have been hell agian. Threatening divorce.. all that . It hurts when they tell us things they know will dig deep in our hearts and make us feel alone and in pain.

I just wanted you to know your not alone. I understand. And I am here for you. Just PM me when you need to ok? Keep quilting.. keep them hands busy . It will help.

Hugz
Beth

[_Hope_]

thanks sunshine

the urge to cut is fading and in record time too. i am impressed with myself that i have turned it around so quickly i just hope that the urge doesn't return as quickly as it left. i am glad i have this site and the people here to take my mind to better places,

i am still very confused by what is going on and i am not sure how to make things better but atleast i have hope now that i can

thanks for listening

Linda

[LizardL8y]

BPD, sounds like the problem is more your husband's than yours. How sad for him to be so diluded that some fake, airbrushed picture of a woman is more sexually gratifying to him than his own wife. You don't need this. Don't give in to the cutting. That'll just give him another reason to put the blame on you. He needs some serious help, as he is living in a fantasy world and not in reality. You are not the problem here! Remember that! At this point you can't be perfect enough for him - nobody can - not even those porno models because none of it is real. I'm glad the urge is fading. You deserve the best and giving in just weakens you. You are good enough just being you. Don't let him make you forget that!

[Christina86]

(((((((((Linda)))))))))))) glad the urge went away eventually. good for you! take care of yourself.

[Rapunzel]

((((((( Linda ))))))))

I am really proud of you for writing and talking it out and giving yourself time to think before doing something you might regret. I'm sorry that your husband said that to you, and hope that you can maybe tell him how you feel too so that he can learn to be more careful with your feelings.

Rap

[ickydog2006]

(((((((((((bpd))))))))))

[jacq10]

(((((((bpd)))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( Linda ))))))))))))))