Hi, I am kinda embarassed to post this but i have no one i can ask in real life so i guess i will ask here...
Is it normal to have a fascination with pain, and wanting others or yourself to hurt you? since i have been really little, i remember having feeling this way and would seek out movies/books/stories about these things. i also would have daydreams about hurting myself, starting in probably middle school, and have acted on it in the past. I dont know why i felt this way, and i have never heard anyone say they felt like this, so i was wondering if that is normal? If it is not, is it a symptom of something or just my ****ed up brain?
Thanks for reading!

[Irlein]

First of all, thanks for sharing!

I can relate in a way since I have self-harm fantasies, especially when I'm stressed. Pain is a fascinating thing. To have a sensation so intense that it blocks out all others, to experiment with different kinds of pain... I think it's beautiful. BUT I'm afraid it is not normal and most people are creeped out by this. If it is a symptom of a specific something, I don't know.
I used to self harm frequently in the past but when I started practicing martial arts I found a way to satisfy the desire for pain without actually injuring myself. It is a great relief to actually live it out without feeling abnormal. If you're not already into MA, I strongly recommend it.