[blah__x]

i have not SI for about 2 weeks (if u dont count i intentionally headbutt the backdoor today out of frustration) but it is yet another attempt at stopping.

i wanted to say that obviously, cold turkey quitting is NOT easy. in the past, i tried that and threw away all my blades etc. by removing those things one would think i was helping myself keep safe only it seemed too 'final" and made me feel trapped. i lasted 5 weeks before i caved in and did far worse than i intended.

this time it hasnt been so sudden. i worked my way from SI everyday down to once a week. i'm keeping my stuff, just locked away. im not fantastically well and i often feel trapped with no way of release, but im working on it so hopefully i'll get there in the end.

hopefully we'll all get there in the end..

anyway the point i post this is to ask: how have others have tried to quit and how affective was it?

[SweetCrusader]

CONGRATS ON 2 WEEKS! WAY TO GO!!!


I tried a lot of things along the way before I finally managed to quit. I tried getting rid of my blades entirely, but that panicked me because having them "just in case" was sort of a safety net for me. I would immediately go out and buy more.

I tried cutting something else with the blade instead of me- I cut papers, pictures out of magazines, journal pages, etc. Or I also tried drawing arms with cuts all over them. That helped stop me from cutting long enough to ride out an urge, but it didn't help me quit long term and it didn't always work. Depended on the level of stress I was experiencing.

I don't know if you are in therapy or not, or if you have someone close to you who loves you and is worried about you cutting. My breakthrough came in therapy. My therapist was helping me get set up with voc rehab to pay for school and therapy, and the secretaries at voc rehab were really, really rude to me. It really upset me because it triggered this feeling that I don't deserve to have help. I cut myself pretty bad. I told T about it, and she asked me what triggered me. I told her about the secretaries. T chided me, asking me why I would hurt myself like that because someone else did. She said when someone else hurts you, you need to be gentle with yourself not hurt you more. Then, without telling me about it, she called voc rehab and talked to the secretaries' supervisor about how they treated me. I found out later because he told me about it. He said my T was "squarely behind me." When I mentioned it to T, she said that she "heard [herself] being quite the mother bear about [me]." All my life, I had never been protected. Whenever someone hurt me, my own mother minimized it. I was always allowed to be misused and abused and hurt. But when my T stood up for me, something clicked in me emotionally. Suddenly, I felt like if I was important enough for her to be a "mother bear" about me, then it would be a dishonor to her if I were to hurt myself. I started wearing a necklace with a bear charm, and every time I thought of cutting, I touched the bear charm and thought of her. I never cut again.

I still kept the blades, for that feeling of security, for a really long time. I think it's ok to keep them, but put them where they're hard to get to and keep aware of your commitment to resist. I suggest finding some symbol that's important to you, and can remind you not to cut.

The moral of that long story, I guess, is that you can try a lot of "methods"-- and that is a healthy and good thing to do. Any step you can take toward treating yourself with the safety and care that you deserve is GREAT! Ultimately, though, to change it permanently, I think you have to have that aha! moment, when you suddenly realize what was true all along... that you don't deserve to be hurt. You deserve protection and love from yourself.

You CAN do it, and you do deserve it....

Hope this helps?

[selfy]

it is difficult
i was forced into trying cold turkey method
didnt work. it caused tension and the split with my partner.
but yes, i used to do it every night. now i only do it a small amount. i have been trying to come here whenever i get urges. recently when the urges got bad, i just asked a member to tell me to stop. i just needed him to give me that kick up the *** to realise what i was doing was silly.
i hope u keep going with your good work, it is hard, but yall get better.
ONE BIG THING: if u slip up DO NOT beat yourself up abour it.
we all slip up, we all screw up. oh well. start again. no point berating yourself over the past, no matter how recent.
take care of yourself
self

[blah__x]

thanks so much for your input guys..means alot to me.

((((((( sweetcrusader )))))))
((((((( selfy )))))))))

i'll keep all that in mind = ]

[selfy]

the only way i can go cold turkey is if i just dontthink about it being cold turkey. so far if u look at my signature thingy,
yall c how long ive been recently. i am hoping it might motivate me. i dont want to have to change it.
self

[splitimage]

I haven't self harmed in about 8 months now - before that I had 18 months, but I still think about it all the time. Things that helped me quit and help me get through the urges were drawing on myself with a pen (incidentally when I was in a psych hospital this summer if you told the nurses that you wanted to si, this was one of their suggested alternatives), distractions, writing - even if it was just stream of consciousness ranting, and getting out of the house away from my tools and doing some exercise until the urge passed. I also found it helped once I started to consciously try to figure out what emotion was behind the urge, ie was I angry, sad, wanting to feel real, wanting to feel numb, because then I could come up with alternatives that met that emotional need.

Good luck.

Splitimage

[SweetCrusader]

I know I already said a LOT, but I remembered one more thing that I found very useful when I quit. Think of the urge to cut like a wave that you just need to ride out. In my experience, if I could just put off or delay cutting for a while, sometimes the urge to cut went away. Imagining the urge like a wave that gets really strong for a while, but will eventually subside might help you to step back and observe the urge without having to necessarily act on it. I also have found in the past that it helped me feel safer. It was okay for me to experience the feeling of desperation and the feeling that I needed to cut (without wallowing in it), because I knew I was just riding it out and that it would subside.