I still cut myself. I'm just tired of being blamed and my mum making it ok to say cruel stuff and shout at me just because I was in a room for a bit. I cut myself so bad. I get so angry and yet it's always my fault. I wish I was dead. I was thinking of ways to end my life but I'm afraid of doing more damage. my life is boring, no one gives a **** about me, jobs dont want me. i don't know why im here since people treat me less than a human and that im better off dead. thats my wish to be not here. I don't belong here.

[childofchaos831]

I'm so sorry you're struggling. I wish I could make it better somehow. I'm listening, and know that we are out here, caring about you.

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Here are links to 3 articles, from PC's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help... the first 2 by DocJohn:

Suicidal? Don't Throw Away Your Shot

Suicidal? What Van Gogh's Life Can Teach You

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

Please take care...

Ouch!

Your female parental unit doesn't sound very supportive of you at all.

Are you old enough to get out on your own?

It took me getting some time and space away from my family of origin so I could begin to sort things out.

As I worked on my process, the self-injury and suicidal desires started to ease up a good bit.

You do belong here otherwise you wouldn't be here.

You're a child of this universe and you have a right to be here!

Furthermore, if you did do the "S" thing, there would be a hole in the universe where you're supposed to be and that will be a very sad thing because you won't ever be able to find out the reason for your being here.

But, sometimes we have to remove ourselves from people, places and things that are harmful to us and don't have our best interests at heart ... And, sadly, sometimes that includes family.

if I could be hired. Then yeah I could move out

What prevents you from getting hired, @happycheeks?

Lack of jobs in your area? ... Lack of skill sets?

If it's the latter, is there an agency that can help you get the skills you need?

Also, don't be afraid to take a job with lesser responsibility while working on your issues.

I went from an 18 year office career to working third shift at a convenience store.

It was a bummer to take such a huge step back, but at the same time it freed up my days so I could focus on my recovery process.

It ended up being exactly what I needed at the time, and helped me to get back to a healthier space so I could take on a job that pays better and has benefits.

Also, when money got tight and insurance wasn't available, I went through a government agency for low to no cost medical services.

Just trying to help give you some ideas to explore because whenever I find myself down in that dark miasma of hopelessness and despair , I often can't see what possibilities are available to me, and that's when those thoughts of suicide and self-harm return - which makes it even harder!

Originally Posted by Pfrog

What prevents you from getting hired, @happycheeks?

Lack of jobs in your area? ... Lack of skill sets?

If it's the latter, is there an agency that can help you get the skills you need?

Also, don't be afraid to take a job with lesser responsibility while working on your issues.

I went from an 18 year office career to working third shift at a convenience store.

It was a bummer to take such a huge step back, but at the same time it freed up my days so I could focus on my recovery process.

It ended up being exactly what I needed at the time, and helped me to get back to a healthier space so I could take on a job that pays better and has benefits.

Also, when money got tight and insurance wasn't available, I went through a government agency for low to no cost medical services.

Just trying to help give you some ideas to explore because whenever I find myself down in that dark miasma of hopelessness and despair , I often can't see what possibilities are available to me, and that's when those thoughts of suicide and self-harm return - which makes it even harder!

There's jobs in my area and I think I have enough qualifications and skills to get a job. I work as a cleaner during the morning and I'm focusing on getting a full time job or an evening job. Now my job is talking about reducing people because of money I suppose. I have a 1-1 meeting with them on wednesday and I want to say I want to work full time. Other jobs are paying £8.50 an hr or whatever, my job is only paying £7 something an hr. When I did cover for housekeeping during the afternoon, it helped me because I could focus on something else.

I think it is good that you are meeting with them on Wednesday, and I hope you do express to them that you would like to work full time.

Then maybe you can also keep applying for those jobs that are paying more (but don't let your present employer know that).

Also, I keep meaning to tell you that I like your signature.

It takes a lot of strength and courage to keep on going when we feel that we can't.

I'm glad that even though you are struggling mightily right now that you are also advocating for yourself.

Hero is a song by Mariah Carey that really helps me get through some of the rougher times.

Here's a link if you care to listen ...

Those lyrics are such a powerful message about us learning to love and trust ourselves as well as becoming our own hero!

I do wish you the best, and keep us posted on how things are going!

[Fuzzybear]

[downandlonely]

I hope you can start working full-time and get out on your own away from your mother. It helped me to get away from my family.

[mountainstream]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Here are links to 3 articles, from PC's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help... the first 2 by DocJohn:

Suicidal? Don't Throw Away Your Shot

Suicidal? What Van Gogh's Life Can Teach You

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

Please take care...

At the end of the day, you won't know if I killed myself or not. It would be better if I was in peace rather than being surrounded by people who don't care about me.

Originally Posted by downandlonely

I hope you can start working full-time and get out on your own away from your mother. It helped me to get away from my family.

Someone who gave birth to you treats you like you're better off dead. I shouldn't have been born at all.