Lent II

I admire your systematic approach to avoiding SH and I admire your strength. Hang in there Kit!

Thanks @Bill3

How are things looking today and for the weekend Kit?

Made it to 50 days today. Was having a lot of urges last night...but made it through. Thanks for asking. Hugs. Kit

Well done Kit!

Congratulations!

Today is rough. I don't even know why. Sigh. I was doing a little better with the urges but now they are back and smack dab in my face. My arms are crawling with hurt. I was hoping the increase in the AD and the AP would help this, and I think it has, just today is a hard day and I want to hurt myself. I don't know but I think some of it might be COVID 19 and all the uncertainty over that. Whether or not I will be able to sustain employment during this time. Right now we fall under critical manufacturing so we are allowed to stay open but it depends on our customers and our suppliers if it is viable for us to be able to stay open. Our hours are likely going to be cut even if we do.


I had a good session with my regular therapist on Saturday and I had a good Skype session with my Pastor Therapist last night. Both of them had good things to say about me and my progress. Maybe this is the other shoe dropping. Had to go to Church on Sunday via live stream, although I did get to view the service in my PJ's so that was kind of fun. And I had to join the dreaded Facebook in order to go to Sunday School class because it was held on Facebook Live Stream. I'm sad about the services on Holy week. I'm thinking of doing communion at home on Good Friday. I haven't figured out what to do for Holy Thursday or Holy Saturday. Basically 16 more days of Lent. If/when I make it that far I will be at 75 days which is pretty cool. Easter will be 78 days. I'm trying to think of how good that will feel to try to negate the feelings of wanting to hurt myself.


HUGS all, Kit

Argh, I got triggered and now it is way worse. I'm still wanting to hurt myself but I know I can't right now. I made a commitment to God. I need to be busy at work or find something to do so I can get my mind off things for a while. It's just hard.

HUGS

((((((((Kit))))))))))

You got this! Sending warm hugs what kinds of things are you doing to distract yourself?

Thanks @spikes I'm doing lots of different things to distract myself. Lots of religious things like . I'm talking to my group of ladies who are my support. I recently joined a social media site so I am uploading lots of pictures and stuff there. Reading. Writing. Drawing. Trying to be more open as a person. Letting people in more. Improving my social connections. I joined a support group and went two times before Covid 19 hit. Thanks for the hugs! HUGS to you Kit

You are doing lots of constructive, excellent things!



HUGS

It's like pretty much the end of Lent, and I did what I set out to do---not SH during Lent. But now I'm not in a good headspace at all and I want to just throw away all my progress. I'm hurting and I'm depressed and I don't care anymore. Maybe I was stupid to think I could make a life changing change in my life regarding SH. I'm going to be stuck doing this forever....

Okay, enough pity party, but I am having a hard time. I want to SH. People are telling me I'm doing so well, and I am in that I haven't SH-ed but I AM NOT doing well. I'm in a very bad headspace today.

What is it like for you to reach a goal such as no SH in Lent?

Hi Bill,


It's good, in some ways, it's really good. It's a commitment I made to God and have kept it. And I'm glad that I did because although God does not require that one makes an oath, if one does make an oath to God, one by darn better keep it. So that feels good.


But overall I'm feeling defeated instead of full of joy. I'm feeling depressed. Let down. I feel like I can't go to my friends again this week and tell them I'm struggling. I've already gone to them, three days I think. IDK what is wrong with me. Thoughts are invading my head. I'm trying to praise God through the situation. I want to isolate. I want to be self destructive. I'll feel better for a short time but then I know I'd feel pretty bad. I've got to keep it together so I don't spiral out of control. MI sucks.


HUGS Kit

It does suck, and it's very hard right now that we can't be around other people. I think the fact that you have avoided SH even though it has been hard for you speaks to your strength. So give yourself some credit.

Thanks @downandlonely

Well I got through Lent without self harming. I'm trying to get to May 4th which would be 100 days for me. I'm hopeful that I can but I do feel like some of the pressure is off now. Not so stressful now but these past few days have been horribly hard. I had to keep texting my friends and asking them for prayer because I could not think of how I was going to get through it. Somehow I did get through Lent. I don't feel strong though. I feel worn down. HUGS All, Kit

Congratulations Kit!

Though not feeling strong, you showed your strength in holding on!

HUGS

You're doing an awesome job, Kit! I think you have the strength to make it to 100 days

Thank you @spikes that means a lot!!! I'm at 80 days today. I ordered me some food from Red Robin to celebrate. I think it is good to give myself a reward now and again when I hit a milestone.

I agree, rewards are a good motivation and a great way to celebrate!