[sujunew]

I was doing so well
but have found a new danger
A topical anaesthetic
That numbs the skin and area
Normally for blood tests and leurs
It obviously worked well the other day
The result is far worse than I had thought it would be
Am hoping it won't get infected..

Would get rid of the Emla
but need it for daughter for her upcoming hospital visit
Also have found blades I did not know I had
Very old ones
But I do not have the strength to dispose of them

I am weak
Weak minded and with weak resolve
But so tired, must succumb to sleep..................

[Cthomas]

Irish. Im here. I can help you. I used emla cream as well. Well I did because my friend has it and i took it once.
Are you ok? Im here if you need to talk. Its a bad urge, I have them many times.

Im here for you.

Colleen

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((irishj)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am sorry you are hurting so much right now. I hope you are able to resist harming yourself and that you may find the strength to get rid of the blades. Please take care of your cut.

BB

[Christina86]

My friend ((((((((((Hugs))))))))))) I'm sorry you're hurting.

You are not weak. You're going through a tough spot. We all have them. Please be careful. I know you can do this... you can resist the urge. If there's anything I can do, let me know okay?

[sujunew]

Christina, BB, CThomas
thanks for the replies. I think it was enough just to be able to come here and write it down. I am without a computer right now (have been for the past 2 months) so the relief was huge when I logged in the other night and could come here...
Anyway, things are better now . Have been staying with my parents with my girls over Christmas and am going home tomorrow so will hopefully be able to go and get my computer back from the store on Monday. Thanks for the words and support, and hopefully I'll be able to talk again soon.
irish

[Kelly3]

I'm not being negative, but this truly confused me..
the reason for self harming is to cause pain..
and to use embler cream.. it's pretty much the equivalent of not doing it at all isn't it?

*confused*

take care.
Kelly. xx

[bchlyn]

kelly i think for everyone it's a little different... when i cut... i am in a place where it really doesn't hurt... so i am not sure it's about pain... my t will look at me and say... you know that should really hurt...and i just shrug... the emotions hurt a lot more then the physical pain...i guess it's like that with the cream for others...lyn

[Kelly3]

Yeah.. that's sort of what i meant though.. the cutting is to cause physical pain in order to temporarily replace the emotional pain..

*shrugs*

i duno. i guess you're right..

[bchlyn]

i guess i am still trying to figure out what it's about for me... when i was young i use to squeeze things in my hand so i would deflect from what was happening... and it just kind evolved from there...and then when ever i was in a stressful situation i would do it to get out of a panic attack... i use to think it brought me back to reality... but now i kind of think it's the opposite and tha panic is the reality... but the truth is i really don't feel pain when i am in that place...lyn