no good

Hi Kiya

Sorry to read that you havn't been feeling so good, hope you are ok.

Thanks anyone - how have you been?

i am sorry about the panic attack... you have helped me more then you know... stay safe... and take gentle care...lyn

(((((((((((((((((((((((((lyn)))))))))))))))))))))))))
how are things with you? how's your hand?

Things are.... eh..... with me. i wrote off a long email to t to clarify things, make sure i understood the session... and she actually wrote back - but it is odd... she seems to me to have a complex mental process and seeing that coming across in typed sentences is, well, odd is the best word for it. it is nice of her to write. i think i'll not send anything else unless it is really urgent. typically i send anything i couldn't speak about (writing is easier for me than talking), but things have gotten more complex.
kiya

ty kiya...my t doesn't do email... i wish he did...it's much easier for me to say things in type... my hand has almost healed...

Your t will be back in a few days? yes? bummer about no email.
Hoping you're alright out there.

Whooooooooooo i'm in a bad place. already cut today and i've an alter that wants to

nevermind. not a good thing to post.

not in a good place at all.

kiya... sooooo what are you doing to stay grounded?... let me know if you want to talk... maybe type... i am really trying hard to get grounded... until you cover an entire page... and if you need to you can reduce the size of the font...until you get there... lyn

i/m watching "the emperor's new groove" to keep me away from myself.... and painted my nails so i can't really touch things.

hey that's a great idea... think i will try it ... stay safe

i tried the writing and filling a page.... led to a memory. posted it in suv. of abuse.

i am sorry about the memory.... or that you have something to remember... lyn

kiya... i do that... fill the page with what i am thinking and feeling... and it does help bring up memories... but when i need to get grounded i type the same sentence or scripture over and over until i am grounded... i am sorry if what i said caused you to struggle more... i should have been more clear...lyn

ohhhhhhhhhh i see. same thing over to ground. yeah, i missed that part.
It's ok - i was doing a bit better after getting the memory out - releasing the poison, you know?

But for next time, I'll remember that. i did finally call t - left a message so that i won't let that stuff slide tomorrow in session.
how are you doing?

i am glad to hear that you got some of the poisen out... i know how hard that is... and how exhausting it all is... it's a good thing that you left that message.

i am doing a bit better then last week... but, still am having a lot of anxiety... i have my t appointment on tuesday and my medical appointment on thursday... i am really not wanting to go to the med appointment... i don't confront well and will have no choice since i didn't start that medication... the urges are still pretty much there... and the thought that on thursday i can cut again are a bit disconcerting... that's my plan anyway... sad as it seems.

lyn

=( (((((((((lyn)))))))))))))

I don't know what to say. in part cz y mind is reeling right now. but i am thinking of you and hoping you will be ok...

thinking about you too...lyn

i'm ok. had t tonight. she made it very very clear that she wants me to find other alternatives to hurting myself. i think this is the first t that's ever been that clear about it. she looks at me all serious and nods her head until i nod mine too. she also wants me to call her when i'm in that space.
gosh, i keep wanting to post something, but i think it would be inaproprate. ... but one person did post something i thought was over the top and i guess it was ok.... ok so *breathing*
TRIGGER
over the weekend one of my alters took the razor to my throat and was pressing. Nothing bad came of it but it was a scary moment - a long moment.
ok there, i said it.
so anyway, like i said, i'm ok tonight. and t was very clear that i can call her.