Why can't I stop thinking about it!!!

It has been well over a year since I last cut. I am however latley thinking about it alot. I have not acted on it but hate the fact that I am even thinking about it. It seems to be worse when I am more stressed. Sometimes ok most times I can't even remember what I was thinking about to bring me to the point of almost acting on it. Of course me being who I am then feel like such a failure for even having these thoughts. It has always been hard for me to open up about anything but especially hard with the SI stuff - embarrassed, feel like a failure... Even writing this my anxiety is through the roof.
My T has been great about it and very supportive of course I have not told him that I am having these thoughts alot lately. I don't see him for 2 weeks as I am on vacation starting tomorrow. I do not like to call him (he doesn't mind and encourages it) as I hate to be a bother to anyone. I try to say to myself - "be proud of not acting on it" instead I say "I am a failure for having these thoughts"

I know I do not post much (hard for me to do), thanks for listening.

Sorry to ramble on.......

I don't believe I've had the pleasure of meeting you before! So hello!

I know what you mean. I went two years without cutting, and I started to want to do it again at about the 1 1/2 year mark. It's weird when that desire comes back, and for me it was harder to fight than before.

(((hugs))) <--- if you want them

I don't have much else to say right now, because I'm brain dead this week. Just wanted to say I understand.

Angela

Thanks Angela and thanks for the hugs.

Nice meeting you.