[Typo]

I'm struggling so much to keep going. Everything is building up on top of me and I keep thinking to myself isn't a week long enough..I've made it a week with out cutting isn't that long enough..yet I keep holding by a string. I know I'll be okay if I can make it through play week and get the one act festival over with alot of my stress will be gone. I just feel like such a faluire and I don't know why. I want a shoulder to cry on but I've pushed everyone so far away that I can't. I feel so weak..I hate to cry I hate it so much and all I've done today is cry and cry. I'm just so tired of trying just to fall down again and again. What's the point of it all? I'm a faliure at school, a faliure as a stage manager, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, as a human being. I hate these emotions..I really do..I hate tears and I hate all this anger in me. I'm sorry..I'm really sorry everyone..I just had to get this off my chest..I have no where else to go..no where else to run to except here.

[paintingravens]

(((((((((((((((((silversparrow)))))))))))))))))))

We all love you silver, and i'm sorry you're feeling so bad. you already know, but i've been feeling like crap too. You're not alone.
hugs love hugs love hugs love
here's a dancing chili pepper to make you feel a wee bit better. ^_^ (I don't particularly like chili peppers, but i'm hoping that you find it somewhat amusing)

[Kiya]

can you do a burning bowl ceramony? You write down all those feelings and thoughs that are hurting you:
-I just feel like such a faluire and I don't know why.
-I've pushed everyone so far away
-I feel so weak..
-I'm just so tired of trying just to fall down again and again.
- I'm a faliure at school
-a faliure as a stage manager, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, as a human being.
- all this anger in me.
-I have no where else to go

and put them in a bow that is safe to burn things in (or a fireplace) and take them where it is safe to burn (in a tub with water or a sand pit (fireplace) and say out loud that you no longer want to believe these things. That you release them and allow yourself to be lighter for it. Then you burn them and they are gone! if you think them again, you can remind yourself that you got rid ot those - that you now embody the things you care about (and write those down)
-I am a good person; sister, daughter...stage manager, student.
-i like who i am because i know that person is in here somewhere.
-i can start to feel better about who i am
-i am successful in the things i do...
etc
And place those where you can see them!! So you start to believe those things instead of the old things.
Wishing you much healing!!!
Kiya

[Typo]

((((Kiya))))) (((((paintingravens))))

Thank you both so much...it means alot!!

I will definatly try your idea Kiya maybe seeing all my negative thoughts burn away would help me some. Plus I like to set things on fire LOL..I've actually been thinking about throwing the darts I use to self injure in the lake so maybe I'll throw all those negative things away in the lake too instead of setting them on fire. Nobody would notice the lake is almost level with the bridge and almost about to hit a new record high.

LOL..I love the dancing chili pepper..it always makes me laugh when I see it in post. I was in accounting one day and secretly checking on everybody here on pc and I saw that chilli pepper on someone's post and I busted out laughing and I almost got caught goofing off instead doing my worksheet.

You both have really brightend my day..and I am so gratefull!!
Lots of hugs and love to you both!!

[paintingravens]

(((((((((((silversparrow))))))))))))))
I'm so glad to have brightened up your day!!! You are an amazing person, and i send my love your way!!
The chili pepper is amazing!! It makes me laugh too, and i love it!!^_^ right back at ya!! ^_^

[Christina86]

I'm going to go with what everyone else has said here... lots of good suggestions and advice!

I can empathize... I know I've said those negative things to myself time and time again, and eventually you really start to believe them... and then they're really hard to *stop*.

I write self-affirmations sometimes, or say something totally goofy that I wouldn't say otherwise...

like "I love me". It sounds ridiculous, especially out loud... but saying it enough will make it stick!

8 days is a fantastic job! Keep on going, you can do this. Keep yourself safe, and try for another day.

[Kiya]

funny - i don't think i've ever used this =)

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( Silversparrow )))))))))))))

[paintingravens]

^_^

we'll all have a party for silversparrow with the dancing chili pepper for entertainment!!^_^ ^_^ ^_^

[TaintedGoth1]

A failure is someone who doesn't even try. And from the fact that you say you're struggling means one thing: YOU ARE TRYING! So scratch the whole idea of being a failure. If you try, then you will never be a failure.

[Typo]

A party sounds wonderful!!! A party far far away from here in fact..I can't wait to leave my parent's house. How the scream and fight. Thanks TaintedGoth1 what you says makes sense..I'll try to keep that in mind!!

Hugs and dancing chili peppers for us all!!!

[Kiya]

"A failure is someone who doesn't even try. And from the fact that you say you're struggling means one thing: YOU ARE TRYING! So scratch the whole idea of being a failure. If you try, then you will never be a failure. "

OOoooh i like that!!!

[paintingravens]

I've never thought of failure like that before...something to think about, i guess.