[Jully]

I want to cut my arm up, and I'm afraid I might do it. I usually cut only above the knee and on my thighs, since those areas are never exposed in public. Does anyone have any input as to why I am having this urge to harm myself in such a visible place? I don't want to have to explain bandages and new scars, but I am having this urge...

Do you think maybe I subconsciously want someone to see? I think I'm losing it.

[Christina86]

((((((((((Jully))))))))))))

Our subconscious does like to do things that we're consciously not sure about/aware of. So yes, it could be possible that you want help.

Try to be safe... read the pinned topics in the forum and try to deny the urge to self-injure. Do you have anyone to talk to, like a therapist?

Be safe. PM me if you want to talk.

[bchlyn]

stay safe jully...lyn

[paintingravens]

i know what you mean, jully. i sometimes get the same urges, cuz i usually do it on the thigh, too.
(((jully)))

[Jully]

(((everyone)))

Thanks for the support...so far so good

[Kiya]

yay!

[bchlyn]

great... keep on...lyn

[sujunew]

(((((jully)))))
stay strong, and think of some other consequences if you get the urge- scars in more places??? Trust me, it is really hard to hide them if you start doing it in diff places . Good luck.

[paintingravens]

((((((((((jully))))))))))))))

[Jully]

I messed up...

[Abby]

you tried and thats what counts!

I used to cut on my theigh but i had lots of images (this was a few yrs ago) and in the end i knew that my right arm was the only real place where cutting 'helped' (for want of a better word). Perhaps it was a call for help....but ultimately....i think i wanted to actually cause more damage.....and my arm being so white....?? and for it to be in a place that i could touch and feel even when i was in public. It helped ground me on many occasions.

Having said all that although i have no real regrets because it was what i needed to do at the time, sometimes i do get tired of now having to think of where to place my arm, if i should try and reduce it with makeup.....

Good luck in your attempt to gain control....you can do it!!!!

[x_BabyG_x]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Does anyone have any input as to why I am having this urge to harm myself in such a visible place? I don't want to have to explain bandages and new scars, but I am having this urge...

Do you think maybe I subconsciously want someone to see/

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I agree with some of the posts on here, that maybe its a cry for help. I used to do it (erm, on my face tho), I had to make excuses up all the time as to why I had black eyes/scratches/a bust lip etc. I never realised why I alway aimed for the face until one day my mate suggested that I might be doing it for attention (not in a bad way tho) and it might be a subconscience cry for help... even if you feel like you dont need help.

If your already recieving help for this though, i suggest you try and keep em covered as it is an absolute pain in the butt making up excuses for your injuries... not to mention the shame of people realising your injuries really are just 'excuses'

take care hun, babyg xxx

[Jully]

Thanks, Abby and BabyG.

I'm pretty sure T noticed the bandage on my arm last session, but it was right as I was about to walk out the door, so nothing was said. As soon as I saw his eyes land on the bandage and heard the slight hesitation in his voice, I felt so ashamed. Like I had in some way let him down, like despite all his efforts I'm not getting better.

(((everyone)))

[x_BabyG_x]

It is completely natural to relapse though, im sure your T would understand and whatever you might think, you arent letting him down. You would only be letting him down if you didnt try - and with your concerns about it and the fact that you mentioned you feel ashamed about it - it seems like you are trying. Just keep picking yourself up when you fall down.

Maybe you could even mention it to your T in your next session if it helps?

babyg xxx

[Typo]

(((Jully)))

I agree with x_BabyG_x maybe you should talk about it with your T next session.. it may make you feel better to talk about it with him. Your not letting anyone down because you relapsed you tried and that is what counts. You can do it!! I believe in you and everyone else does too!! Stay strong Jully and if you ever need to talk feel free to pm me okay?
Lots of hugs!!!
Silver

[Jully]

(((silver)))

thanks