[vetttech]

I cut out of extreme anger/agitation and although I have not cut since 1999 and am NOT suicidal, cutting is a constant fantasy. I've cut in the past to punish myself for failures/ dissapointments /traumas I've caused or have been maliciously done to me. How come I don't feel the same intimacy and feelings associated with cutting?

I hope I'm not violating any policies with my post and I apologize if I have. I see a hypnotherapist, psychiatrist, clinic and was just recently let out of a psychiatric hospital and it's still not enough. I hope this website can help filll my voids.

[Rapunzel]

For most of us, the reasons can vary. I have also done it out of anger and agitation, and because I can't be good enough, or yeah, disappointment and having been hurt by others too. Have you thought about why you need to punish yourself when trauma has maliciously been done to you? I'm not discrediting that at all - I do that too - but when you think about it, does it make sense? I think maybe when I do that I'm needing to show someone (maybe the one who hurt me) that I have been hurt.

Anyway, it's ok if your feelings are not like someone else's, or even if your feelings change. And I hope that this site helps you too. It helped me to find people who understand because they have been there too.

[ktp]

Everyone is different and SI for different reasons and in different modes, so your feelings or lack of are perfectly normal. Wendy does make a good point, if you've been malicious traumas, why do you feel the need to subject yourself to more pain? I'm not down on you, not at all, perhaps that is something you can discuss with your psychiatrist or therapist.

Take Care and good luck,
Kimberly.