really not in a good place

((((((((((((((((((((((((((( kiya )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I know that place. I was there yesterday.

I'm trying to remember what got you through last time you were in a bad place. Was it riding the waves of the feelings??

Talk to us.

(((em)))
i'm just done.
and stopped caring.

We care.

Can you say what's going on??

You've been doing so well, and working on such big and good changes. Don't give up.

I just feel so DONE with everything; i hate the food i have to eat, if i don't eat it i'm sick as a dog, nothing has any taste any more, the only thing i want is chocolate -which then makes me even more ill. I can hardly swallow things anymore; not food, water, medicated water.... i end up spitting things out, throwing things away - even spitting out (sorry) half swallowed food because I just can't deal. I'm in constant pain. I hate it here and hate myself for not moving out (or even taking up the suggestions to move in w/ppl). I dislike people and want to be alone! I want to live alone. I don't want any more responsibility, i want to just read and paint. I don't know how to finish my paper due in 5 f-n days. I can't even get out of bed hardly. It took me half a day of stumbling around to finally get enough energy to get out of the house for food....

on reflection - think this has anything to do with the dr apt the other day where i triggered and switched into a younger self? All these things were true before that - but today i am not coping well with it at all. i don't want to continue to COPE with it. I want it OVER. Why can't it just be over....

ooooooohhhhhhhhhhh, wow, I hate that overwhelmed feeling.

What if we make a list of all of the things that are overwhelming you? I wonder if it would look more manageable, and like there might be something on there that you can do to help you feel like you're moving forward out of the abyss? Or does that feel like too much?

(((((((((((((((((((((((((( kiya )))))))))))))))))))))))))))) or we can just talk. or sit.

this feels really, really, really bad, but it will change.

(((((((((Kiya))))))))))))

I am here for you, *Gives Kiya a giant hug*
Sorry I've been a bad friend and I've been lurking in the shadows,
Pm me if you need to, You can get through this, I know that overwhelmed felling, your not alone hun.

Silver

i am sorry you were triggered at the doctors... take gentle care...lyn

(((em, silver, lyn))) i'm tryin. well.. sorta. ok i've gotten in to some trouble with a lot of chocolate then 2 full tumblers of schnapps. happy tummy tomorrow. right now, brain numb. which is what i wanted and better than my alternative.
=( sorry all.

yeah i have been eatting so much of the foods i know will make me feel sick the next day... that i can't eat for 2 days after... not sure if t would count that as si... actually... i know he would... grrrrrr.... my appointment on thursday isn't going to be fun... binging and cutting in the same week... i hope you feel ok tomorrow...lyn

oy - likewise, my appt tomorrow is not gonna be fun. i have to decide if i will tell her i was suicidal today or not. and that the parts tried to take over to get me to....
Also i sent her email about a bunch of various abuse.... yeehaw. I don't think i can tell her i drank... i don't think she'd approve - and she'd tell my MD.

I hope you feel ok tomorrow too =( that's a lot going on for you. keep checking in?
kiya

hey kiya... just checking on you... how are things?...lyn

Oh all over the map - thanks.... and you ?
Being a multiple - i never know what the triggers are (and most the time not even that i triggered and switched until later). So things almost got bad today for a bit - but then evened out again.
Plus I may be getting a case worker this week and may be moving out soon.... a whole nother can of worms (some good, some terrifying).
Long answer to a short question =)

i am glad that some are good... hope that the rest turns out to be good too...lyn

You didn't say how you were.....

(((((((((((((( kiya )))))))))))))))

gaaaaah in a manic space i got up on the counter tops and went rummaging through the cubbards, finding an old favorite liquer of mine.... i did miss that old friend...
I'm not supposed to drink - it goes against the adrenal fatigue diet that I am on to cure my body. Plus, I don't think ADs should be taken with it.
But oh how i have missed that spirit. Tonight has been... i think the 4th night i have been getting reaquainted with it.