Out of control

I am dealing with a lot but the worst thing im dealing with is myself. I keep punishing myself for things that i did not do. My T says Im trying to get her to kick me out maybe she's right but not sure. I take pills all the time I cut again for the first time in years. I am not eating right. I have even resorted to stealing pain pills from friends bathrooms (what the hell). Last night I pierced another hole in my ear because this form of self abuse is ok. My T says I have to tell doc about all of this and Im scared. Why cause he will take the nerve meds away and i think ill fall apart. I don't know what im doing.

you need to find out where the 'punishing' side of you came from. We arent born with the ability to feel the need to hurt ourselves/hate ourselves ect

So why is it there? What was it that made you feel the need to hurt yourself? Have a bit of a rest to look back and find out where this other side of you came from, and try to reason with it.

Maybe then you'll feel like your more in control if you know whats really going on with yourself

take care, babyg - x