[SweetCrusader]

After an si urge today, I started thinking about some things going on in my therapy. I am realizing more and more that sometimes si, for me, is a way of avoiding the REAL issue. I can't remember the chain of thoughts that got me there. But anyway, avoidance is a big thing that I'm working on right now, and I just realized how si is sometimes another thing on the long list of things I do to avoid.

I use si to avoid:
-dealing with the underlying issues
-having to think about/deal with feelings
-letting my T in and bonding with her
-needing anyone

Anybody else noticing some similar patterns with your si behavior? And can anyone help me out in thinking this through- like tell me about how you might use si to avoid, and stuff like that?

I think this is a major breakthrough for me and I need some help exploring it.

Thanks!
Angela

Im also avoidant personality so.. needless to say.. everying is always about avoiding life and relationships with me. Everything is a way for me to space out.. forget, run away.. and not think about the stresses in my life.

Im working on it tho

[ktp]

Oh sweet pea, I'm so proud of you!

((((Angela))))

I agree totally. I do it to avoid what's really going on too, sometimes. This ofcourse is when dissociation doesn't work but you know about that too dontcha honey?

SI for some is an avoidance thing. Some is just a pain thing or something to focus on to take the thoughts away from what's bothering them on the inside, by seeing something we can see is "real" on the outside.

It is quite a breakthrough and I applaud you !!

Take Care of yourself dear friend,
Kimberly.

[Rapunzel]

One way I can think of that si might be used as avoidance is that since we anticipate some kind of pain anyway (probably of the emotional variety, which hurts worse - disapproval, rejection, abandonment, the pain of dealing with past trauma, or any number of other things), we go ahead and cause physical pain. Then we can worry about that, and maybe think about the whole issue of stopping the si habit, or hiding it, or even just enjoying it, and be distracted from the other pain. It might be a way of keeping yourself busy so that you don't think about the other.

I also use si to get out of situations I don't want to be in, like getting lectured. Because somebody can't keep standing over me lecturing me while I'm scratching and tearing my skin. That might be avoidance too. Escape, at least.

[SylverFlames]

I think sometimes it can be an avoidance thing for me. Like, it makes me focus on the SI behavior, or the pain of the SI'ing instead of what is really causing the problem. Usually this is also tied in with other reasons though.

I have SI'ed as a distraction technique/aviodance issue with other people though. I won't want to talk to them about what really is the problem, so I let them "discover" cuts, (I only do this with people who already know about the SI'ing) and then they focus on that instead of other problems. Not to be confused with SI'ing for attention, as I usually hide my cuts at all costs, and this is the last option I'll use when someone is getting too close to issues I don't want to talk about. Cause it's easier to talk to them about SI than the real issues.

[SweetCrusader]

Wow, thanks for sharing this stuff everyone! This is really helping me gain some insight into myself as well as other people. I hope you will continue to tell me stuff!

[dalila]

<font color="green">[b]Avoidance? hmmm perhaps but usually because i can take no more. i guess in a way avoidance avoiding the spiral of painfilled thoughts or flashbacks. it allows me to see the inner pain. but it limits the real work of healing cos i seem t have to go through the pain to get to the other side not around it. [b] </font>

[ktp]

Dalila:

I agree with you. I'm alot the same, where I try to avoid the issues, but really have to work them out instead of getting "around it". I obsess and that makes it worse, I know.

Either way it's avoiding the issue at hand for a moment anyway, for me, because I can focus on what I'm doing and what's going on and that makes me smile...for a minute...then it's right back to bothering me only worse.

That's why I adapted the coping mechanism of dissociation. Oh my friend!

Hope everyone is still keepin on keepin on!
Much love,
Kimberly.