Conflict and Avoidance

I have to admit, I felt a little guilty while all the conflict was happening. I felt the pressure to get in there and post opinions and help the underdog, etc.

Question... do you all see it as disloyalty if someone doesn't get involved in the heat of things? Do you see people who don't get involved as undependable or shallow? This is the moment I feel safe voicing my internal struggles with all that was going on. I didn't really feel an opinion either way. I just don't like to see people in pain. So it's rather conflicting to want to help people from both sides of an argument. Very confusing to me. Do you think it is wise to stay out of these kinds of conflicts? Does getting involved just stir the pot and muddy the water more?

I dunno... these are honest questions I am struggling with. It was certainly more peaceful for me to stay detached. However... I felt like I betrayed you all by bailing out. What do you think?

Willow,
I personally think you did the right thing, and I hope now I will do the same,though I struggle with keeping out of things, it seems inborn for me to just get in there and say my piece unfortunately even when it is not wanted, but hey, I keeptrying to get away from the negative side of me.
But doing what you did during this time is probably the best way to go, so yes, I think you did the wise thing

"darkeyes"

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

Hey... I just PMed you! My insecure side is acting up this morning... BIGTIME! It was hard to stay uninvolved. I care about people here and want to help. However, I've had enough experience with this kind of thing to realize that me "helping" doesn't "help" at all. Thanks for the feedback darkeyes Much appreciated.

Sometimes I think it's a matter of weighing what you see is best for you. I am one to join in and try to help but this time I needed to stay clear. I couldn't see anything I could have said would have been helpful.

It's hard when people start taking sides and not being nice about it. For me this time I wasn't prepared to get in the firing line and often when tempers are running hot getting involved will lead to getting hurt unnecesarily. You can't control someones actions and words can be so hurtful. Apologies can make things better but things will never be the same.

I chose not to get involved this time and I don't feel bad about it. I did what was the best thing for my own peace of mind. I do feel bad that people got so angry, things were said and people got hurt.

I am glad to see that people have apologized and forgiven. Friendships or relationships of any kind are not without conflict or disagreement. People make mistakes. I believe it's how you handle those mistakes that count.

Don't feel bad Willow. I think you did the right thing.
Lots of reassuring hugs for you,
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

{{{{{{{{Willow}}}}}}}}}}}

Don't feel guilty hun. People that avoid conflict are just that...people that avoid conflict - nothing to be ashamed about at all. I think you did the right thing for you and that is all that matters right?

I dislike conflict as much as you...we all just have different personalities and were rubbed different ways. My role is always trying to keep the peace between people I also tend to use humour when I sense things becoming more tense....more like nervous laughter you know?

I never once thought any different of you so please be assured that I am pretty sure no one else does either.


Heather

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the REALIST adjusts his sails." ~~~author unknown

Willow,

I've struggled just as you.. in my case, avoidance was a problem, never felt like I was putting my contribution into the situation and then unhappy with outcomes, who could I blame? Kind of like not voting, ya know?

But that's for me. Everyone has their own way. We can even change those ways if we don't like what we're doing.

This was a good time for this thread, had you waited it might have been too late... earlier, might have been to soon. I think it's important we discuss how to discuss.

I'm feeling some shame for my recent mean-ness that has kindly been pointed out to me. If we must disagree, I think that's good... debate creates mutual understanding if it's handled well. Even if no agreement is reached, understanding can be.

When the disagreement goes beyond the topic and into the personal, it's gone too far.

Just my humble 2

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

Great reply
** hugs of hope and peace **
Oops! hope you do not mind them, some people feel uncomfortable about ** hugs **, I did once too but have grown to embraace them
Take care now,
"darkeyes"

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

Hi heidu
Can I add to what you said?
"Apologies" can make things better but things will never be the same," but maybe things can become better than what they were, some cases in my own personal life they have, maybe they have the potential to do so here, I hope
** hugs for hope and better days to come **
"darkeyes"

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

<center>{{{{{{{{{{Willow}}}}}}}}}}</center>

My opinion:

Question... do you all see it as disloyalty if someone doesn't get involved in the heat of things?

No. Example: Darrel and I have a good friendship going. We were on opposing sides of the issue. We respected each other views without an argument.

Do you see people who don't get involved as undependable or shallow?

Not at all! We're not all as passionate or have clearly defined feelings or thoughts on any given issue. Some of us are more vulnerable to some issues than others. It's okay to not get involved physically or emotionally. Your feelings are your own and only you know how to deal with them the best way. It's okay to know your own limits.

I didn't really feel an opinion either way. I just don't like to see people in pain.

Perfect reason to not get involved.

So it's rather conflicting to want to help people from both sides of an argument. Very confusing to me.

Willow, I know you're acquainted with the verse "You can't serve two masters" You can't help one side of an argument, much less two if you don't have a clearly defined opinion of either.

Do you think it is wise to stay out of these kinds of conflicts?

It sure is in your case!

Does getting involved just stir the pot and muddy the water more?

Yep! The waters would Really get muddied for you! "If you can't be part of the solution, don't be part of the problem."

Rest easy, Sweetie. The pot was stirred enough and the waters were muddy enough. No need to throw yourself into a fray that you have no feelings for one way or the other.



<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

thanks everyone... i feel much better now. I do need to practice having a voice, but I definitely thing the time was not now. Whew.

((((((((((( Hugs ))))))))))) are always appreciated in my case

I liked your added comment re: apologies very much. I agree 100%. Let's reach for that goal.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius