[x_BabyG_x]

I've been trying to recover from my self-injury since may now, and doing quite a good job of it since ( - Its really DOES get easier as time goes by for those who dont believe this!) - The reason why i wanted to stop was because of my boyfriends. I knew if it carried on like that then we wouldnt be together much longer, and realised that the more I hurt myself the more I hurt him. So I tried, relapsed, then picked myself back up again and continued to fight it. The thing is, I know its been 16 weeks into it, but I still get triggered really easily - the sight of blood, holding knives/using sissors, I still even get jealous when I see other people with scars because I know mine are fading. I had to cut some chicken strips up the other day for him and again, I couldnt do it, it just remended me so much of cutting into my own flesh - and he understood this, didnt say anything and did it himself.

Last night however, he put on I think it was this tribal/war programme or whatever, and about a minute into it it showed really disturbing images of people who had their backs slashed with machetes and really deep cuts which were sickening, and he was just there watching along and thinking nothing of it. After a few seconds I went, 'Phil, please, turn it over..' and turned my head away from the tele.

He didnt say anything. He just put the remote down and carried on watching it.

After a minute or two Id had enough and went to leave the room, I stood up and he was like, 'is there something wrong?' like he actually didnt realise what he'd done and I just went, 'for god's sake, you know I cant stand it, you know it triggers me, I cant bare looking at images like that its just ... NOT happening...'

...and left the room to get a drink, and to take a bit of a breather.

No sorry's or anything when I returned, in fact, he was smirking. He changed channels though, and nothing was said that night and I was yet again trying to fight the pain and the great urge not to in silence.

Its really affected me, but I know I cant say anything to him because he'll go mad

babyg - x

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by x_BabyG_x

he was like, 'is there something wrong?' like he actually didnt realise what he'd done and I just went, 'for god's sake, you know I cant stand it, you know it triggers me, I cant bare looking at images like that its just ... NOT happening...'

No sorry's or anything when I returned, in fact, he was smirking. He changed channels though,

and nothing was said that night and I was yet again trying to fight the pain and the great urge not to in silence.

Its really affected me, but I know I cant say anything to him because he'll go mad

Hi Baby, I think that something like this really needs to be spelled out for him. I can see how he wouldn't be thinking about these things and how they would affect you. Really, it is our job to take care of ourselves. I wouldn't leave this very important job to anyone else. So you chose to not talk about it with him later? What do you mean he'll go mad if you talk about it?

[x_BabyG_x]

I can normally talk to him about anything... He tells me this, he tells me to talk to him when Im feeling down, but he just cant handle it. he begs me to tell him whats wrong and when I eventually do, he gets upset and angry at me. He goes mad, he calls me selfish for upsetting him, he's even called me a dissapointment for not 'trying' with myself.

I dont know why he did that last night, he knew damn well that it would have upset me.

I thinks he's just fed up of me now - x

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by x_BabyG_x

He tells me this, he tells me to talk to him when Im feeling down, but he just cant handle it. he begs me to tell him whats wrong and when I eventually do, he gets upset and angry at me. He goes mad, he calls me selfish for upsetting him, he's even called me a dissapointment for not 'trying' with myself.

My first thought is that he just doesn't know how to handle it when you tell him? He wants to help but he just doesn't have the skills to do so and he is affected by it?

[x_BabyG_x]

I suppose it does affect him, he does really easily get upset by it.

Still no need to do what he did though - x

[Sannah]

Maybe there are some boundary issues here? He is crossing yours?

[x_BabyG_x]

what do you mean by that hun? - x

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by x_BabyG_x

he begs me to tell him whats wrong and when I eventually do,

he gets upset and angry at me. He goes mad, he calls me selfish for upsetting him, he's even called me a dissapointment for not 'trying' with myself.

For instance, he tells you that you are selfish for upsetting him. One way to interpret this is that he wants to control you for his own comfort. You need to express what you are feeling. He can't handle it. He tries to stop you by telling you that you are selfish. Another way that this could be handled is that he could just say, "this stuff upsets me". He could talk about it openly and honestly instead of trying to be a bit manipulative. He is crossing your boundaries by trying to control what you do in this situation. When folks don't cross each other's boundaries they express what they need to and allow the other person to make their own decisions about what they are going to do.

[bchlyn]

((((((babyg))))))