Problem, need advice.... *May Trigger*

So I've been dealing with a lot lately, finals, lack of friends, my brother attempted suicide, a good friend of mine got raped.. etc. etc. But I've been dealing very well with all of it. Only cut a few times since my brothers attempt, and not at all since my friends rape.

But now tonight my best friend since elementary school calls me. Her fiance had broken up with her about a month ago for another woman. She's been having an amazingly difficult time dealing with this. I've been increasingly worried about her mental health, and have many times suggested she go talk to someone, cause she's depressed. Tonight she says to me "Lately I"ve been feeling like taking a leaf out of your book. I'm glad my knives aren't here." This totally hit me like a ton of bricks. I've talked to her about my cutting twice I think, it's not something she's really comfortable with. But now I feel awful. I mean, I feel so guilty for putting the idea in her mind. I didn't know what to say to her, so I was just giving her automatic responses. And after hitting me with that she starts hinting she may be thinking of suicide. I'm now in a complete panic. I feel like this is somehow my fault. I don't know what I'm going to do if she cuts herself. Has anyone else ever had this happen to them? I mean, I don't even want to go talk to any of my other friends about this problem. I don't ever want to mention my cutting again. I can't believe I put the idea in her head. I'm so scared to talk to anyone.

There is no saying that you did put the idea into her head. And if you did, then it is possible that she would have started it anyway... When I started SI, I had no idea that anybody else did it. I thought I was the first person to think of it, lol. It was only when I joined online communities that I realized the truth.

I think at the moment you're handling too much pressure, especially now that you have the threat from your friend hanging over you. Can you refer her to anybody else she knows? Suggest to her to tell her parents, or perhaps for her to get a counsellor? You could give her some support sites for cutting maybe, or just write an email or a letter pointing out that cutting has a tendency to create more problems and isn't beneficial in the long run...

Right now, you're just not coping with all your pressures, and you have to put yourself first at the moment. Congrats on not cutting.

NO! It is not your fault! My first feeling is that she is using this idea to manipulate you and pull you further into her problem because she feels abandoned. Another part of me thinks of how she is grasping at straws trying to find a way to make herself feel better and this is one way that has helped other people feel better for the short term. What makes me angry is how she turned it on you when she should be going to get help like you have suggested. She is making the choice not to seek help AND putting you in an awful position. Have you thought of telling her that you don't want to cut and if you had a choice to quit this habit right now you would? And how you are getting help to stop cutting and it would be easier for her if she got help for her relationship trauma NOW instead of cutting and then having to get help for that AND the trauma too? Remember this is her choice. Your telling her about your problem didn't MAKE her do anything. She is choosing to do it.
Carrie

PS I have had a friend cut after I told her I had a problem with it. When I told her she got all over me with the whole "you already hurt enough, you shouldn't hurt yourself more" bit. Then she got into a rough patch and cut herself. I got angry at her. It seemed so hypicritical. On the bright side she hasn't cut again. It didn't satisfy her need like it does for me. I don't know why this is. But it doesn't work for everybody.
CK

Man, that's really some pressure she's putting on you. I know kinda how it feels, my friend cut herself, but i dont remember if i'd told her i cut or not before, but anyway i think i did and i blame myself but i think she did it more as a phase thing because she stopped anyway and thinks that telling me to stop will work but it doesn't happen that way.

I sure hope you can convince your friend that cutting is not the way forward and urge her to get good help!

I agree with jet that this is some pressure she is putting on you. I told my friend that i had cut last year and she is just starting to pick it up which i really feel like its my fault because i told her. I talked to her more about it and she finally told me that she had gotten the idea from me so that hit me so hard and i blame myself for every cut she has. I think you should sit and talk to her and tell her that cutting isnt the way, and if you feel comfortable ask her if you are the reason she started. thats the only way you will know. You should tell her that she should go talk to someone before things get to bad.

I hope everything works out for you and you can convince your friend that cutting is not the way and there are other and better ways to cope with things.

Max

Thanks guys *hugs* I've talked with her today. She said she was "joking" about the cutting. Which I don't believe. I'm kinda scared now that she won't tell me if she starts cutting. But really, there isn't much else I can do. Still feel guilty, but helpless in the situation, so I'm not going focus on it. I agree, I need to help myself first.

I don't think one "jokes" about cutting, I wished i could help you more *hugs*

Sylver,

I can certainly understand why you would feel so bad about this Please try to remember that it isn't your fault if she does it, though. I have shared with several of my friends and none of them have cut as a result (at least not that I know of). This might sound a bit fatalistic, but honestly I think for those of us who become cutters, if we didn't see or hear about it from one place, we'd hear about it somewhere else and I think a person who is going to try it is going to try it eventually. Not that anyone is "fated" to cut, but there are certain characteristics that most of us share which very much contribute to our becoming interested in (and later addicted to) cutting ourselves. If your friend didn't hear about cutting from you, she might have seen a show on TV about it. She might have stumbled across it in a webpage. Met someone else who cuts. Read about it in a magazine. Or even eventually just thought of it on her own.

Even if that weren't true, it is still her decision to pick up that blade if she does it. NOT YOURS.

I don't think she was joking. I think she was either seriously suggesting that she thinks about doing it, or making a jab at you. I would think it would be the first thing. (If not, if it's the second thing, lose her because she's a bad friend).

I don't know if this helps at all. I sure hope it does. I'm sorry about your friend

*big hugs*
Angela

It helps, thanks a lot I knew it wasn't my fault, but I go through guilt complex things, and needed to be told it. You're right, there is nothing I can do if she decides to start but be there for her. So that's what i'm going to do.