Welcome to the self injury room

^_^ Thanks.
I was just testing, wanted to make sure.
Because no one wants to hear sordid details without a trigger icon, I'm sure.

So... here goes.
I've really never talked about this episode and from all the times I can remember, this was the scariest... the kind that you finish and you just stare at what you've done, "....." like that.

So, as kind of a prelude... I met this guy at work and... I'm kind of impulsive, so we flirted (quite suggestively), a lot... and all that jazz.

So, I end up inviting him over, presumably to watch a movie... not quite what happened, but... um... there is something very awkward about... doing... things in your parent's basement.

So, after he had gone home... my dad kind of questioned me about what we had been doing in the basement, his intentions weren't bad or anything... but I ended up telling him what had happened.
And it didn't go over very well, and I got called a ***** (understandably, I hardly knew the guy, after all).

And I just snapped, I went back downstairs... and I really didn't even have control of what I was doing. I went in to the storage room and found a pair of scissors and then I just sat down and cut myself, and cut myself more.
I don't know how long I sat there in the creepy trance-like state cutting myself, but I ended up with over 60 cuts on my forearms.

My dad felt awful when he found out what had happened, but honestly, the knee-jerk reaction makes complete sense, him being my dad and all.
Thankfully he didn't go shoot or maim my now fiancé. ^_^; I'm sure he wanted to.

Well, I must... say that I didn't mean to kill the thread. o.o

Thanks for putting this on here, I have a new friend who does this and talks about it openly as if she was just going to the shops. I don't understand it so hopefully places like this can help me to understand, cause it's difficult to know what to say or do as someone on the outside looking in.

Thanks Doc John!! I've recently started cutting again after 8 years of not. So it's nice to have found a place where other ppl. "get me". I hope I can get get can some help here, as well as well as give some.

I started cutting when I was six. I was being severely sexually abused on a regular basis. You'd think someone would notice a little girl cutting; but they either didn't or chose not too. Sometimes I would beat myself up with a broom handle until I was bruised and swollen.
The sexual abuse stopped when I was 14 when I got shipped off to NC to live with my aunt; but the cutting continued.
When I met my partner I stopped cutting myself for almost 8 years....until recently.
The first time I needed 17 stitches, and the second time I have no recollection of it at all. That's the one that scares me. But, I'm afraid if I tell my therapist she'll have put in the hospital.

Thank you, Doc John, for creating this room.

Thank you so much for making this room, DocJohn. I needed a place where I could get help and advice...It's too scary to talk about IRL.

You obviously need so help and your therapist is the best one to do that. Going into the hospital may not be so bad--you are safe there.

Best of luck on whatever decision you make.

I'm sorry.. u where sexually abused:/ i cut still it juz helps I guess and how'd u hide ur cuts at 6? N 7th grade I got cot..

I am grateful you added this forum because this is one of the most difficult and confusing things that has ever happened in my life. I did not start cutting until I was 43.

Hi everyone! I am new here and hope that I will be accepted as a member soon. I just wanted to let you know that I too have a history of SI. I generally only resort to this behavior when I am feeling totally EMPTY-no feelings, no thoughts, no self esteem. While I do believe this behavior is not healthy it has been what has brought me back to reality and a basic sense of selfworth. In being so empty it is hard to refocuse your thoughts and direct energy towards a more positive way of self soothing
yourself. I quess one step would be to recognize that path that I'm heading towards before I reach the end and have little energy to help myself. I have much more I would like to say and share but for now this was a big step in itself for me. Thanks for being here.

I too SI. I did as a teenager and then it stopped. It returned again after starting T. I do feel ashamed by it - particularly as all the literature seems to say it is something people younger than me do (I am 45) - that makes me feel that there is something doubly wrong with me. The main trigger to it is sui thoughts - I do try and do other things, but it seems to be the only thing that calms the intensity of the thoughts down - so I guess it is serving a purpose for me at the moment.

I am older too. I started cutting my arms in high school. Then I quit on my own. I had no idea it was a symptom of anything, ie borderline. It was around age 28 I discovered BPD and that my personality traits fit with this disorder. I always thought I just had sever anxiety problems. I do not think anything is doubly wrong with us, we just want to feel better.

I'm new to this, so I was kind of hoping this was a "chat" forum, but hoping threads are read frequently as my need to injure myself (via cutting) is becoming more frequent and more damaging. I began at 11 and continued throughout my late teens, then stopped until last year. There was a trigger, but now, it seems that this has become my primary method of coping with the most significant emotional stressors. I cannot get into a counselor for another month and have 2 disabled children to care for as a single parent, so cannot seek help anywhere else. I'm just not sure what to do. With extensive apologies if this sets off any triggers, I am very ritualistic in that I prepare each time with Steri Strips and bandages in order to care for anything that may need stitches, etc.

i s.i.. i am not proud of it, but i do. my best friend knows i do, but for the moment believes i have stopped again. i told her id try to. i did. i did try, but i failed. i used to cut a few years ago, but stopped, but now i have started again. now is worse than before. used to id only barley break skin with a scratch, but now, its a slice that ends in a scar. some of them fade with tan, but the ones that upraise stay there. sometimes i catch myself admiring the scars, liking that they show imperfection. they show the imperfection in my life, while i otherwise try to please everyone else.

Thanx so much for opening this room... Really think its very helpful

I've been SI-ing for nearly 11 years and I am 2 years free of SI-ing everyday and 4 months since my last slip up. But I think about it everyday and it is incredibly hard not to just say screw it and do it. But I know I shouldn't because whenever I've SI-ed I would binge for hours at a time and it ruined a lot of relationships with people I cared about. It came to a head my sophmore year in high school when my family staged an intervention: therapy and a SI support group or an inpatient facility for a year. The therapy was short lived and I wish I was able to continue it.

And here in the last month I was confronted by a coworker/friend about my scars. I had thought I'd been hiding them quite well when it turns out he'd known all along. Ever since finding out he knows the urges have increased tenfold.

I have no clue, I have been cutting for a year now. it helps me cope. but i don't know about people who do it for design or show off. perhaps they are depressed and disguise it in mutilating art? I can't really say. odd for sure!

I cut down a half an inch last night.... I had to use a wrap to hold it close...... Had trouble stopping it....... Any advice...? this has become a daily thing for me..