[jakromm]

Hello

I was just curious how you all started cutting yourselves, if you started one day with a huge deep cut, or you started off with small scratches, then they got bigger and deeper until they were full out cuts. I ask this cause i notice myself progressing quite a bit. I usually do it to punish myself for something stupid or cause at the particular moment i realize how much of a disapointment i am, still punishment but not for an actually act. Was wondering also what motivates u to cut? thanks for the info and sharing

Jason

[jakromm]

ill be stupid and tack onto my post, just wanted to say its typically when i feel i let myself down

[dalila]

<font color="green">I started using a straight pin just enough to see a drop or two of blood. Also did a lot of picking at scabs, just about anything to see a bit of blood and feel a release. Once I was in therapy I sort of progressed to some actual cutting. Perhaps cos I felt I had my T to keep me safe from doing too much. It seems like an addiction, the more you do the more you have to do to get the same effect. I started using a straight pin just enough to see a drop or two of blood. Also did a lot of picking at scabs, just about anything to see a bit of blood and feel a release. Once I was in therapy I sort of progressed to some actual cutting. Perhaps cos I felt I had my T to keep me safe from doing too much. It seems like an addiction, the more you do the more you have to do to get the same effect. </font>

<font color="red"> </font> i cut words into my skin as a teenager just to express myself, like i scratched death on my arm, and a heart on my hand, etc.

a couple years ago i started cutting when i felt like i was falling in love with my boyfriend. i really didnt have another way to cope with the intense feelings. i started with a push pin at work, and then i moved on to razor blades, kitchen knives, and eventually double edge sharpened hunting knives. became deeper and deeper, as my tolerance for the pain did too.

but anyway... intense feelings mainly trigger it for me.

[jakromm]

hmmm, thanks for the input you 2, i started with and im currently using a hunting knife that i sharpen often

[SweetCrusader]

I started one night when I thought I was going crazy. Some "friends" had abandoned me and said that I "needed therapy" (I hadn't ever had any at that point). I felt like I could not contain all my feelings anymore, or organize my thoughts, and I felt so alone- almost as if I was dead walking among the living.

I got a lady bic razor and I made a LOT of cuts. I made several a day. Not too deep. Only a couple of them scarred.

Then about a week later, I got into therapy and I reduced the cutting drastically. Only cut a few more times. Eventually I made it through that crisis period and stopped cutting for about 1 1/2 years.

I started up again when I hit another huge crisis. I went back to thearpy again. And I cut deeper and deeper as I have progressed. Also used much sharper tools.

Now, after making the deepest cuts ever, I am trying to quit. So far so good. It's been two months this week.

[blackdragon]

i really dont remember when i cut and how bad it was, i just know that i was really stressed out and my mom was angry at me.
but what triggers me now is people yelling at me. especially if its yelling for 11 minnutes strait to work. I also hold feelings from all the physical assault inside and not to mention the car crash still buggs me. last nite i cracked cause i was suppost to be trained in on nites and yet i was thrown on the floor blind of course to work. I worked on the floor 3 times but i still dont know whats what. I ended up letting it all out in the staff lounge in front of one co worker. it was unfair and mean to do this. but after that i understood that they tried to give me a full trainning but couldnt find anyone. stunk. but hey that took away all the tension in me and scared ness..

well i think thats more than u wanted to hear..

[jetblackaura]

I remember my friend carved a heart in to my back one time and then after that when i felt bad i would cut..and then it got really to be a really bad habit for a while.

[elmarko]

first time i cut was when i was rejected by a close friend. i cut her initials into my arm, there still visible now, some 7 years later. i mostly cut when i am overly stressed or angry, or on a downer

[SpazKatt]

I refuse to participate in explaining what I do

[obsids]

I wasn't originally going to respond to this. And I am not going to talk about what I did. But as a motive, I cut to feel pain. I cut to see blood, to reassure myself that I was still alive. And I think it was also a way to pull myself out of dissociating.

I don't SI any more. I try to keep myself engaged in productive hobbies, and I try to talk about my feelings more, even if it is in a private journal.

Obsidian

[Rapunzel]

I guess I actually started self-injuring when I was about 6 years old. I don't remember the specific triggers, but I was extremely frustrated and felt like nobody listened to me or understood me (or tried). The thing that I wanted them to understand was that I really wanted to be good, but grown-ups were always after me about things I did wrong, and I didn't mean to, and I felt like they didn't believe me that I didn't mean to be bad.

It wasn't actually cutting at that point - what I did was bite myself, but the actual method doesn't matter.

When I was 20 I tried cutting my wrists with a safety razor. All I managed was scratches. At the time, I thought it was a suicide attempt.

It was several years after that when I really started cutting though. I had lived with depression and never gotten effective treatment, for so long, and I felt trapped, and I couldn't deal with it anymore. As much as I hate to say it, it took cutting for me to be taken seriously. People can't look into your soul and see that you are hurting, and have been as long as you can remember. As long as you quietly keep it to yourself and don't cause trouble, they don't see any urgent problems. I didn't have any other way to show someone that I was at the end of my rope and couldn't take any more.

Now it's a habit, and the first thing I think of when I'm not comfortable with my emotions. It takes less of a trigger and I'm capable of more damage. There are many reasons - punishing myself, communicating, dissociation, .... I've still never done anything bad enough to require medical treatment though, and I don't think I ever will. I am working on it, but sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. The longer you let it go on, the harder it is - it gets worse and it gets harder to stop. My advice is to get help with it now (or rather with the underlying feelings and stuff), and keep trying until you find effective help. You don't have to live with it, and you are worth so much more.

[jakromm]

anyone cut crosses? dont know why i do it but i usually cut a cross into my arm