and I thought I was doing so well.....

OK. It's 12:20 a.m. -- that's after midnight -- and I just got home from a school board meeting that started at 6:30 p.m. And I don't even have a kid in the stupid district! Sometimes I hate my job. I won a lot of points with the school board members, though -- they said they'd never had a reporter who had stuck out an entire meeting when it ran that long.

Anyway. Way back when yesterday afternoon, when I went to therapy, we had to talk about cutting, because for the last several days I have just been itching to do so. I haven't yet, and I don't have any blades in the house right now, and I'm too tired and/or busy to go out and get any, but I know before it's over I'm going to end up giving in.

The thing is, I have no frickin' idea what triggered it. I haven't had any particularly traumatic events or gotten particularly angry over anything, I just kind of woke up the other day and went, "Huh. I feel like cutting." and it's been that way ever since.

Anybody got any ideas for me?

Candy

I'm sorry hun *hugs* I know that feeling, wished I could help but I'm still struggling myself!

Candy, sometimes all the little stuff that we have been putting up with builds up and gets to us. Things like staying out so late at a school board meeting, or people doing things that bug you. It could be anything, and you might not even be aware that it's bothering you. You have been saying something about some of the things that you don't like though, and stating your preferences and expectations, and I think that is exactly what will help you to deal with it constructively.

I hate that feeling. My t tells me to write about it and take a walk or something, but as soon as I get home from the walk, the urge is back again. Just try to keep your hands busy...that sometimes work for me. I usually end up journaling 5 pages a day just to keep from cutting...as long as my hands are busy I can keep from cutting.

When i get stressed and overwhelmed, i get the urge. Perhaps with the stress of two jobs and not having enough time built in for expression of your feelings and emotions and rest, it has triggered it?

Sometimes I think it is just a certain amount of time has passed and a part of my brain is missing it because it is a habit. No stressors needed, just the missing of an old habit. If you don't think you have any major stressers try not to start looking for any. That is something I will do. I will start digging and working myself up just so I will have an excuse to injure.
Carrie