[gothham]

I read the forum often and can relate to many of the postings. I think it is wonderful that people can come to control thier SI. It is not something that I see a lot of. I am in my 40s and would never have thought the cutting I started in my early teens to "sooth" me would still be my choice of comfort today. I never perceived anything maladaptive with it either. How could it be "bad"? Unlike drugs and alcohol nobody would "know" and it wouldn't affect anybody else. I was an honor student, popular, I had so much going for me --on the outside at least. This past year is the first I was ever hospitalized - 4 times for about 45 days total. I also have an noncurable disease which has forced me to go on disability (which I never wanted to do), depression, anxiety, Bi-polar, and BPD... none of which did I know about until the last two years. I struggle every day with SI and "caving" is usually my response. The frequency and intensity has escalated immensely over the years. It's past addiction for me. I see a therapist weekly, a psych at least every two weeks, and currently attend two out patient partial hospitalization programs. My supports/resources are ample and good so why can't I stop? I can't because it has been so much a part of my life for so long. I miss it, I depend on it, I need it, I think aboiut it, i crave it... stopping is so much harder a task than giving in. I commend those who are able to gain control over SI ( I don't believe anybody is actually "cured" ) and move on with thier lives. To those who are trying, best of luck, and to those like myself, take it day by day.

[phoenix7]

You take it second by second then hour by hour then day by day - you have to learn other ways to cope before you can let it go - or push it to the back of your mind - it sounds like you have only recently found help and so it wil take time - there is hope - it can be like an addiction - but addictions can be beaten - or at least subdued and put away -

second by second, hour by hour, day by day, there is hope and it can build up and support you - I hope you find somthing wthat works for you P7