[BamaSurvivor]

Ok, so I screwed up again... Over and over again. I cut pretty bad a few weeks back and they are just now really starting to heal, on my left wrist and my right ankle. Then at the end of last week I cut deep into my left thigh, "I Hate Me"... I honestly do not remember doing this. I remember waking up feeling an extremely burning pain in my leg and I pulled my blanket down and seen my leg. It wasn't cleaned up or anything, so I guess I fell asleep directly after doing it?... Then I went yesterday evening and had my eyebrow pierced, mostly for the pain factor but some for the looks. I was so disappointed, there was absolutely no pain in the piercing and it upset me. I had great relief and pleasure when I had my tongue pierced before and got all 6 of my tattoos, but they all were painful to some extent. Is SI still destructive and wrong if it's through body art and the likes?

Why wont my urges go AWAY?! *sigh* I do everything I'm supposed to do! I take my medications, I go to therapy, I stay in treatment so I don't turn back to drugs, I do everything yet I still can't get the urge to go away and leave me alone! The smallest things trigger it now... Washing the dishes and coming upon the glass plates or cups and knives, I get the urge. Seeing a scratch on someones arm, face, etc, etc, I get the urge. Watching a movie, there comes the urge... I can't get away from it.

Sorry y'all... Just needed to vent.

[ickydog2006]

I hope it gets better for ya. I don't know why it is so addicting. I struggle with it now too. Medications don't do anything for the craving of pain. I guess it's a better escape then some things we could do. Huggs if wanted

[BamaSurvivor]

(((huggz))) Thanks icky... I hope it gets better for you, too. My biggest thing with SI is that's close to all I've known since I was a little girl (10-11 years old). I've never delt with life on lifes own terms, I've always either cut or used drugs and alcohol to escape my pain... I'm scared of what the real emotional pain would feel like if I let the full effect take over.

[ktp]

Actually, the piercing and tattoo pain is a big factor in alot of people's decisions to get those things done.

I have three tattoos and I want some piercings, but I've heard that alot of people are disappointed with the piercings. A girl I know has horizontal labret piercings, eyebrows, etc. when she got her septum pierced, she did it because she needed a "release" she was really stressed and she left totally disappointed because there was not the pain she had been told or anticipated.

I guess it's more common than we think. I guess it's neither right nor wrong, but it works.

(((((((BAMA)))))))))

((((((ICKY))))))

sorry you guys are struggling so much. I know how that feels. I just got my newest tat 2 weeks ago but before I did it, I was fighting the urges, tooth and nail! I wasn't supposed to get one b/c of the meds I'm on (warfarin) but.....I chanced it and all was well. No big problems at all.

I'm totally off topic now. But I guess I just wanted to say that you guys are not alone and someone understands.

Take care,
Kimberly.

[BamaSurvivor]

Yeah, my diabetic doc doesn't like me getting tattoos and piercings because of my diabetes, but oh well. *shrugs*

I'm very disappointed with the lack of pain from my eyebrow piercing... I've heard where you can get one piercing that's extremely painful, but I dunno if I can handle THAT much pain. lol