Masturbation is taking over my life.

Cumpulsive masturbation is never really "over" ... ever. My life is an example of that. However, I do try my best to avoid it at all costs, but every once and awhile I fall and fall hard. When that happens, I just get up from the "muck of it all" and try and move on. Our mistakes can be learning tools.

Compulsive Masturbation is a habituated coping mechanism that was once VERY effective due to the brain chemicals released prior to orgasm. While some who are not attempting to escape emotional pain use masturbation to release pent up sexual tension others seek out opportunities that enable the opportunity to masturbate. This is my opinion I have come to accept after over 10 years of therapy and 12 step sexual addiction meeting. Fighting against something can never be effective in the long run since when our resolve weakens, too tired to resist something the acting of giving up is the acting of acting out. This creates fodder for self repudiation, I am weak, I am a failure, I cannot stop touching myself. ETC... It is no good to just fight something, there needs to be an acceptance that the behavior is a learned self soothing activity for something in your life. Like I say again this does not apply to everyone but I know it does for me. Therapy helps to uncover and name the thing or things that create the need for escape. Therapy helps to develop acceptance of the events in our lives we are attempting to control and 12 step meetings helps to lesson the shame by seeing people we would call normal or a good person like you are share these same self soothing behaviors. I know for me I do not know if I will ever stop masturbation. I have come to accept stopping is not my first goal. Self acceptance, trusting others who are worthy of that trust to share the feelings of shame and the history of when the shame was born. Sexual feelings is not the same thing as drinking. AA abstinence is not the same as Sexual healing. Sexuality is a biological and primary aspect of who you are. It is not wrong. The goal needs to be become sexually healthy. Not needing to use the power your sexuality as a tool to escape. Don't be upset that you masturbated or acting out repeatedly. You lost days of abstanance. It is more like a back account then a contiguous line that starts over once broken. Every day you live in the moment and not select the escape compulsive masturbation is one more day in the bank. Overtime and healing the frequance of need to make the choice to escape using compulsive masturabtion lessons. This only happens when you reach out for help and stay connected to others.

I agree with most of your comments but not with all. Because of my background this problem carries with it some complications to my system of moral values. It always has and always will. However, I have also been able to accept and recognize the reasons behind the compulsion. I no longer am upset at the "action" itself, but my concerns center around the compulsiveness of it all. Through some wonderful pasoral guidance I no longer feel shameful about this. It is a behavior pattern that over the years has become ingrained in me. I know I must stay "connected to others", as you state so well, and to continue to receive the pastoral care that is now being offered to me.

Being able to be open about this behavior on PC has gone a very long way in helping me keep my "bank account" well balanced. I do not feel so alone with it anymore. As a matter of fact, it has enabled me to openly discuss the issue with a dear friend whose response was to embrace me with more love and understanding than what I was expecting from her.

I do not have the luxury of receiving specific counseling, such as 12 step meetings, but I have been blessed in other ways. Wisdom comes with age. sometimes things that were not understandable, or even justifiable, 20-30 years ago, are now undertandable. I am beginning to understand my own sexuality for what it really is, and while I struggle with this issue, it is no longer self-condemning. Years ago, it WAS an "escape" into proving how bad a person I was. I am now beyond that point, thanks for the grace of God, and the elimination of many misunderstandings about myself and the fears they generated. So, I guess I have "enabled" myself in a good way by staying connected with others.

So much of this behavior pattern stemmed from abusive situations I found myself in all my life. This is not an excuse. I say it, because abuse begets abuse. Thanks for your post. Keep well and safe on your life's journey.

Compulsive masturbation, like any addiction, carries with it many negative consequences. We often seek out therapy for relief from depression, loneliness and relationship problems and not necessarily for sexual issues. The most frequent long-term negative consequence of this type of behavior is a life devoid of closeness, longstandiing feelings of detachment, removed from deep emotions and relationship connections. There is usually feelings of isolation and shame behind this driven behavior. The intensity and frequency of this behavior can never be considered "normal." (adapted from The Sexual Recovery Institute newsletter)

Most of us who suffer with this problem have suffered from some form of early childhood abuse/neglect. It is a learned behavior that needs to be unlearned in whatever way we can manage that. But we need to accept the fact that during that process we more than likely will fail at times. The important point is, not to quit or give up in our efforts. We are stronger than we think. We are survivors!

This beautiful feeling of ours was meant for us to share our human sexuality as a part of a healthy partner/relationship intimacy. We need to fully understand what our human sexuality is, what it stands for, and the true purpose behind it. It is the only way we will find freedom from the compulsion. If we do not do this the problem will escalate to the point where one is unable to change and/or the chance of great physical harm increases to the point where medical attention is often required. For me, that is another form of self-harm.

I do respect each individual's post on tthis matter. We are all trying to face and deal with a difficult situation. Healing is not easy, but it is possible. My above statements come from my personal "story". It is what I have to do for myself. They are not meant to be judgmental by any means. We all have to decide what is best for us and find the courage to do what it takes to improve our lives. We cannot stand in "quicksand" forever.

I masturbate in two ways, i either watch porn.. i or think about a woman i've liked for ages... the porn by far makes me feel worse afterwards.. and it happens more frequently.. the obsession with this woman causes me to have dellusions that she likes me and she is enjoying it aswell! ( i have schizophrenia )... I went nearly 3 weeks and relapsed due to my obsession with this particular woman.. so i felt a bit down after that coz i thought i might have been able to go longer maybe even do without. It soon followed with porn , and I read here that it needs to be accepted rather than avoided completely, so i gave that a try and it worked actually. But I think I need to arrange my life differently, with a goal of having a partner. I have a view that I shouldnt support the porn industry.. i dont like the idea of millions of people being that way sexually inclined.. but thats just me, and im one of them after all.. to just accept it all, and not feel negative i think would be a short term solution for me that i feel i can achieve but my long term goal is to give up completely.

I do not know where you can really say it needs to be accepted, when most posts admit to the amount of destruction it causes.

This type of sexual addiction can lead you into so many dark corners before you can even realize it ... beware of the darkness. Accepting this behavior only deepens your inability to have a true intimate relationship with a partner. It can escalate. It makes you feel like you are living a double life ... how many people know you are doing it? The porn/fanasties worsen. It is nightmarish! I have been there!!!

My mental illness has nothing to do with my sexual behavior. My bipolar illness is not the root cause of masturbation. My life's experiences of abuse is. Masturbation is usually driven by a poor self-esteem. This is true in my case. As my self-esteem grows, the need/desire to be self-abusive decreases.

My goal of giving it up entirely is not reality. I will fail from time to time ... I am only human. However, I no longer accept it as OK behavior for myself. I have moved on from that "trap".

i know how you feel