[SheLovesNFL]

Okay my husband and I have sex like maybe once, twice, or if I'm lucky 3 times every 2 weeks. He has a very stressful job, he worries about our money issues, he is a head football coach so on top of that he also has a full time job so this takes up nearly ALL of his time. He gets up for work at like 5 and doesn't get home most nights till 8 or when his team has a game at the latest 11pm. So by the time we have dinner its very late when we get to bed. We also have a 3 month old baby so it's hard to just go to bed right away. I don't expect him to help me around the house because he is so busy (unless its a weekend when he is off). Okay so whenever we do get to bed I try to get him in the mood or rub his back or do anything I can really to get him in the mood but 9 times out of 10 he says no I'm not in the mood and will laugh at me or tell me to stop. When I get upset he will say I'm just tired baby please understand. The problem is I get so stressed out because I feel like we never have sex. And then when we do he lasts a few minutes because its been sooo long and that's not satisfying to me at all I don't know what to do. I don't think he is cheating on me. I would be VERY surprised if that was the case. He spends all of his time with me when he is available. I know his close friends and they are always telling me what a great person he is. It's not like he won't kiss me or touch me. We will cuddle and kiss and talk and everything else. He just is never in the mood when I initiate sex and I guess it's cuz he's tired but it's causing a big strain on our marriage and it makes me sad and feel bad about myself like he's not attracted to me anymore but I know thats not the case because we've talked about it and he says he is attracted to me hes just not in the mood. He says this is normal and I like sex too much. =/

[hamster-bamster]

You unfortunately have the problem that is least treatable by sex therapy: differences between the level of desire between partners. When one partner wants one frequency of sexual relations, and the other partner wants a different frequency, there is a real problem and it is very hard to treat.

[hamster-bamster]

But if you can afford it in terms of both money and time, you should try sex therapy. Granted, it may never bring you two in complete agreement, but it can make your husband be game to your plan not 1 in 10 times, but, say 3 in 10 times, which would already be a signficant improvement. You may also want to repost under Sexual and Gender issues because you do not have any addiction issues. You have a garden variety mismatch of desire levels.

I could have written this post, myself!! Sigh. It's very disappointing, but honestly? If after therapy, your desire is still high & he feels uncomfortable having more sex, create a compromise. Masturbate with him around; have him stimulate you to orgasm, etc. There are lots of options! But if the relationship is good otherwise, there's no need to feel such unhappiness.

[hamster-bamster]

I think that Shayatanica has great ideas. Once he is comfortable in the thinking that he just needs to participate a bit, without necessarily providing his erection, he might be more willing to play according to your rules.

[yellowted]

try introducing some adult toys into the bedroom, that way you can still be satisfied even without his participation! if he is uncomfortable with you playing with your new toys whilst he is laying beside you, dedicate one of your babies nap times during the day to be your play time! just remember to stock up on batteries!

[Big Mama]

me and my H are the same. Ecept I never want to and I don't know how he finds the time for these ideas to pop up in his head. He leaves around 5 am and most days returns from work and commute by 8:00. It's usually 10:00 before we get in the bed. He works full time and is a business owner. We ave very involved with the church. We also have 3 kids. Like I said where these wild notions come from to even have time to think of sex I'll never know.

I'm a stay at home mom and home school on of our kids to. Thinking about sex NEVER enters the picture. Our sex drives are quite different. His lack of oppertunity and use make things happen quite quickly. He also does what he "needs" to do to have his needs met. He's alone or beside of me furfilling those needs while I'm waiting for him to go to sleep for crying out loud. Some times I help him. I just don't want to be poked and prodded. I can always lend a "hand". It just surprises me that he can even think about sex. I try to be a good wife and give it to him once a week. That is to often for me but it is a give and take here. So he takes it no complaints about that just about the frequency.

Maybe as the baby gets older you'll have more time. Best of luck to you. I agree try moving this to the sexuallity forum and you may get more responces.