[dinkydee]

my partner has an addiction to porn and masterbation.... he does it on virtually a daily basis and due to this he is unable to have sex with me as he only wants the fantasy and not the reality of sex.
But more recently it has come to light that he has been watching porn and masterbating in the living room while looking after our 2 year old daughter while I have been at work. he says she never saw anything but she was only a few feet away playing and watching TV . as a result I have stopped him looking after our daughter unless he is supervised , he thinks I am being unreasonable . Please help me , I need to protect my daughter and dont want her to come to any harm

[Raindropvampire]

Does he admit he has a problem? Would he be willing to go to a therapist or SAA meeting? Obviously if he can't stop while babysitting then it's an addiction but unless he sees that it's not going to get better. Other than leaving him until he gets help I really don't know what to say. I'm sorry you are going through this.

[ponder1973]

I echo what Raindrop said.

[Real Magic]

But more recently it has come to light that he has been watching porn and masterbating in the living room while looking after our 2 year old daughter while I have been at work. he says she never saw anything but she was only a few feet away playing and watching TV . as a result I have stopped him looking after our daughter unless he is supervised , he thinks I am being unreasonable .

Thats not good, please keep you daughter safe.

[dinkydee]

I think he realises he has a problem , we are no longer together, I asked him to leave , we have tried all sorts of therapys and councelling , but none of them have worked because he has lied his way through those as well. I am at a loss , I don't think I can help him anymore. he is dragging me down and making me fell so hideous, worthless and unattractive...

he says he has been doing it on a regular basis while looking after our daughter , but he promises she never saw anything, he said he didn't think it was a problem at the time , doing it while she was around , but after I found out and threatened the police he says he now understands it serious... I just dont understand how he could think that was alright . I have said he will not be allowed to look after her until I feel she is old enough to talk to me and explain if she is not happy with something he is doing ....

I feel his problem is getting worse , he has now started looking at teenage girls and I have another daughter aged 19 , he says he has never looked at her in that way but at her friends ....

sorry not coping very well at the moment

[ponder1973]

Oh wow, I'm so sorry dinkydee.

You are doing the right things here. He will never change until he starts to recognize the damage he is doing to himself. Maybe losing you will be the catalyst he needs to realize he and his addiction are the problems here.

Be strong. Addicts are master manipulators and liars. Don't let him talk you into anything. Listen to your instincts and don't do anything you don't feel 100% comfortable doing.

[jennifersullivan]

im sorry dinkydee but your priority is your daughter, she is helpless and cannot protect herself. If he wants to be in your daughters life, your husband needs to put you and your daughter first and seek kelp

[Thor_Odinson]

You absolutely did the right thing. If he cannot stop long enough to watch the little one then he is out of control. She might have not seen anything yet, but it only takes one slip up and then... you can't unring the bell.

All the best to you and your daughters as you make these difficult moves.