[esmeorange]

good morning
Hi, I am twenty six years old, and virtually since the death of my father I have being dealing with bad coping mechanism to deal with my life, with anxiety, loneness, and sadness. Getting back to the same bad habits when I am by myself, always brings me to the feeling that I am back to zero ground, that I have failed, besides all of this, I have the feeling of lack of empowerment of my own life, to not have control over it.
I have had a hard time studying, concentrating and being social during my school years, as well as dealing with many forms of anxiety, It has passed many years, and now I am seeing lots of the after effects of years of behaving in a self-destructive manners, I feel like my life it is being wasted, I haven’t done much and learn as much as I could, due to not being to have a peace of mind, I feel like I am loosing opportunities, that I am not growing as man and as person. I haven’t been able to break away for a strong and independent life, and to find a life where I can have new habits and to feel that I can count on me and that other’s can count on me back.
I do have a profession that I feel it is aligned with what I want to do in life, but it still lacks me skill, commitment to it and It is not what I am working with it right now
This is more a cry of help, from the part of me that knows that it is urgent to change, and wants more than anything to find life full of meaning again.
I hope that I can make things work once and for all.
Thanks already for just being able to you about this and to have this support.

[Travelinglady]

I am glad you are insightful enough to see that you need better coping mechanisms, since what you have been doing is not the best way to succeed and become what you need and want to be.

Are you seeing a therapist to try to work toward this goal? Looking for other activities to keep yourself from the addiction?

We are here to help and support you. I am glad you posted!

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by esmeorange

good morning
Hi, I am twenty six years old, and virtually since the death of my father I have being dealing with bad coping mechanism to deal with my life, with anxiety, loneness, and sadness. Getting back to the same bad habits when I am by myself, always brings me to the feeling that I am back to zero ground, that I have failed, besides all of this, I have the feeling of lack of empowerment of my own life, to not have control over it.
I have had a hard time studying, concentrating and being social during my school years, as well as dealing with many forms of anxiety, It has passed many years, and now I am seeing lots of the after effects of years of behaving in a self-destructive manners, I feel like my life it is being wasted, I haven’t done much and learn as much as I could, due to not being to have a peace of mind, I feel like I am loosing opportunities, that I am not growing as man and as person. I haven’t been able to break away for a strong and independent life, and to find a life where I can have new habits and to feel that I can count on me and that other’s can count on me back.
I do have a profession that I feel it is aligned with what I want to do in life, but it still lacks me skill, commitment to it and It is not what I am working with it right now
This is more a cry of help, from the part of me that knows that it is urgent to change, and wants more than anything to find life full of meaning again.
I hope that I can make things work once and for all.
Thanks already for just being able to you about this and to have this support.

If you have a profession that is aligned with what you want to do in life, you are already better off than most people on this board. I wonder how you have been able to acquire the profession while having "deficient attention"? Even if you had difficulties studying as you report, you did ACHIEVE what you achieved, so while you might want to have MORE focus than you already have, you should first acknowledge that you already have sufficient focus.

I also have been unable to see from your post how masturbation relates in any way to your anxiety, loneliness, sadness, feelings of failure and lack of empowerment. This list you provided (sad, lonely...) is a garden variety list of symptoms of anxiety and depression. Anxiety and depression are treatable: you can use therapy, medications, cardio exercise, sunlight for some people, making sure you get enough iron and vitamin D and in general ruling out physical causes of depression, getting enough sleep, etc. Have you done all of those things and what results have your trials yielded?

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

addiction?

In other words, if someone self-selects into the Addictions forum by starting a thread on that forum, that self-selection ALONE is sufficient to diagnose an addiction?

If we take this approach and apply it more widely, would we still need the heavy machinery of professionals and all that hassle that goes into re-editions of the DSM to diagnose schizophrenia, or can we just see who posts in the schizophrenia forum and treat them all with antipsychotics based on their posting history ALONE?

I think this must be just the right shortcut to solving the healthcare problems, cost-wise.

[hamster-bamster]

From Wikipedia and very helpful reading for all:

"A differential diagnosis (sometimes abbreviated DDx, ddx, DD, D/Dx, or ΔΔ) is a systematic diagnostic method used to identify the presence of an entity where multiple alternatives are possible (and the process may be termed differential diagnostic procedure), and may also refer to any of the included candidate alternatives (which may also be termed candidate condition). This method is essentially a process of elimination or at least of obtaining information that shrinks the "probabilities" of candidate conditions to negligible levels. The "probabilities" at issue are epistemic rather than ontological in that they are imaginative parameters in the mind of the diagnostician (or, for computerized or computer-assisted diagnosis, the software of the system), while in reality the target (such as a patient) either has a condition or not with an actual probability of either 0 or 100%.
Differential diagnostic procedures are used by physicians, psychiatrists, and other trained medical professionals to diagnose the specific disease in a patient, or, at least, to eliminate any imminently life-threatening conditions.
Differential diagnosis can be regarded as implementing aspects of the hypothetico-deductive method in the sense that the potential presence of candidate diseases or conditions can be viewed as hypotheses which are further processed as being true or false."

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Differential_diagnosis

OP, it would be especially useful for you to read this wikipedia article because it has direct relevance to your situation.

[hamster-bamster]

OP: this also

Workup - Medical Definition and More from Merriam-Webster

[esmeorange]

I am not seing a therapist right now. But I am have went back to do exercises, and getting a better routine, which have helped me to have more good days than bad days in the last few months.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by esmeorange

I am not seing a therapist right now. But I am have went back to do exercises, and getting a better routine, which have helped me to have more good days than bad days in the last few months.

If you were a woman, I would say that your first step is to go see your GP to rule out physical causes of depression. I am not saying that physical causes of depression are the most LIKELY causes of your current state, but they can be tested with objective means and easily treated.

For women, thyroid issues, iron deficiencies, etc. are physical causes of depression that should be ruled out.

I do not know about men.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by esmeorange

bad habits when I am by myself, always brings me to the feeling that I am back to zero ground, that I have failed, besides all of this, I have the feeling of lack of empowerment of my own life, to not have control over it.

I am not sure if you are talking about masturbation when you mention bad habits or anything else because your writing is not so clear, but if you are talking about masturbation, then you are making two errors by first calling it a habit and then calling it bad - both are incorrect.

Masturbation is not a habit and is not bad.

Just read Wikipedia -

"Masturbation is the sexual stimulation of one's own genitals, usually to the point of orgasm.[1] The stimulation can be performed using the hands, fingers, everyday objects, or dedicated sex toys.[2] Mutual masturbation, which is masturbation with a partner, can take the form of non-penetrative sex.
Studies have found that masturbation is frequent in humans of both sexes and all ages, although there is variation. Various medical and psychological benefits have been attributed to a healthy attitude to sex in general and to masturbation in particular, and no causal relationship is known between masturbation and any form of mental or physical disorder. Acts of masturbation have been depicted in art worldwide since prehistory. While there was a period (from the late 18th to the early 20th century) when it was subject to medical censure and social conservatism, it is considered a normal part of healthy life today. It is commonly mentioned in popular music as well as on television, in films and in literature."

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by esmeorange

I am not seing a therapist right now.

Because you seem to have a lot of problems with cognitions (=a fancy words for "thought"), I would recommend CBT - cognitive behavior therapy, for the C - cognitive - part of it. It would help you reframe your thoughts.

CBT may also be useful for depression, anxiety, and the general dissatisfaction with the direction of your life - the things that you are reporting.