what do you do when you feel like going on sites that you are not supposed to? it feels terrible and it doesn't really satisfy me. i need practical advice only.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Just remember how it feels when you do it.

You don't deserve to feel this way. You deserve to feel much better.

Focus on something like here at PC or something good for you.

Just what I have done.

Or take a break from the computer.

Carol

i just do it when i'm bored. i simply have no social life on the weekends. everybody else is at home doing their work. i should get going and start volunteering outside of school. the real reason i kept watching porn was that some of my favorite stars were there, but now that they've retired from doing it, i feel like it's time for me to quit too. i don't want to discover any new stars, and i'm ready to get cleaned up. seriously, now that i look back to it, i felt like i had wasted so much time watching something that just lost its zest. i want out and i want it now! anyone who supports me can post, anyone who disagrees please i don't want your comments. not trying to be rude, but when someone thinks that he should go his own path, then yeah, he should despite what people unless of course something positive can arise from it.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I hope I did not post where it was not wanted.

I am sorry.

Carol

what do you mean? are you sorry because you wish you've never come across this page?

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by heyitsme7

what do you mean? are you sorry because you wish you've never come across this page?

No, I am not sorry I came across your page.

I just was concerned that I might have given you some feedback that you did not want, after reading your first reply.

Sorry about *this* misunderstanding.

I was glad to read it.

Carol

oh no, not at all. i'm glad you replied. i don't seem to want to take the break once i'm on the net. what's wrong with me?

[BrokenNBeautiful]

it's cool.

thanks,

Carol

seriously i am done with porn. absolutely. i wish i had a hammer with me right now so i could hit my computer screen and that will be the end of it. but it seems like that would only bring more trouble than resolution because it's not really my computer since my parents bought it for me as a necessary school item. but still, it's mine and i wish i could cancel my internet whenever possible. but the thing about that is my parents will insist on getting me back my internet and they'll be like suppose we need you to look up something for us and i'm just like well then get me internet on my phone. how is internet on a phone different from that on a computer? just that the screen is a bit smaller. no big difference.

[Harley47]

For me? It's an odd dichotomy...during the fact, I feel...well, I suppose whatever emotions come with arousal...just lust, I guess? After the fact is different though...it IMMEDIATELY hits me that whomever I was watching was someone's daughter, that I know they don't want this for themselves, that I don't want that for them (even as a stranger), that they deserve better...etc etc.

Which leaves me in an odd position. I'm a 19 year old guy, and pretty solidly single. So hormones are pretty much on fire, which makes having a laptop a bit of an...enabler, at times?

I eventually reconciled...porn isn't necessarily all pics and movies, and the internet is full of good writers and artists. I rationalized if I can get the same effect without someone being put into that sort of awful situation...that'll do, I guess.

It's odd for me...lol I'm still a virgin by pretty much the strictest of definitions, but whenever I'm in a relationship? The porn just stops. No desire, no fleeting curiosity. I've always thought of it as a form of infidelity...so it just sort of vanishes. I'm weird, I guess.

Anyway, that's my ramble...lol I'm not sure if it was helpful at all or not, but that's me on porn.

Take a break from the computer when you feel these urges. Try to immerse yourself in activities that are either very tedious [knitting, building something, cooking, etc] or ones that are physically exhausting [cycling, swimming, kickboxing, etc.]. Whichever you prefer.
And the biggest tip? Don't beat yourself up if you slip up. Be happy with the fact that you want a new life for yourself -- that's more than you could have said previously. And that really IS a big deal! Progress isn't going to be fast & it's damn near impossible to stop an addictive behaviour cold turkey without professional/social intervention. Learn to accept the progress you are making & that will help a great deal.

[Orion XXV]

It's best to go cold turkey and find a substitution... as long as you're not substituting it with any other potential addiction.

From my personal experience, dealing with porn may not be easy but it's definitely possible. I took a break from when I was 14 to 16. BUT realize it was because my parent's monitoring the sites I went on. You'll have to serve as your own monitor and set up consequences likewise. Maybe set yourself with a warning first in case you slip...

Truth is, a lot of people slip. I got back into it when I had my first laptop, and honestly it didn't become a nightly fixture until I was 19. The thing now though is that ... it's boring. The mind says "Hell with the fake stuff and bring on some real action". That mentality ultimately increases depression when the Id isn't fed and increases overall irritability.

Hope that didn't come off as too Freudian, but there's truth in that.

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by heyitsme7

anyone who supports me can post, anyone who disagrees please i don't want your comments. not trying to be rude, but when someone thinks that he should go his own path, then yeah, he should despite what people unless of course something positive can arise from it.

I'm not sure what you're looking for then...You're the one who stated that you wanted to stop watching porn. Your two other threads asking for advice about stopping masturbation were equally puzzling. If you don't want advice, don't solicit it. Maybe it's time to grow up.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by heyitsme7

i kept watching porn was that some of my favorite stars were there, but now that they've retired from doing it, i feel like it's time for me to quit too.

Your favorite stars probably have had a reason or two to retire. Say, 1) they have made enough money, 2) they have grown too old (the porn industry, as many other industries, may discriminate based on age), 3) they have found gainful employment that they prefer to starring in porn. And perhaps others.

You are not going to get far by motivating yourself to quit based on their having retired. Their retirement and your preference for and even some loyalty to them might logically lead you to watch reruns of the porn with them, but not watch newer porn with different stars. To actually quit based solely on their retirement is a stretch, and I do not think that you will achieve your goal with this kind of motivation.

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Your favorite stars probably have had a reason or two to retire. Say, 1) they have made enough money, 2) they have grown too old (the porn industry, as many other industries, may discriminate based on age), 3) they have found gainful employment that they prefer to starring in porn. And perhaps others.

You are not going to get far by motivating yourself to quit based on their having retired. Their retirement and your preference for and even some loyalty to them might logically lead you to watch reruns of the porn with them, but not watch newer porn with different stars. To actually quit based solely on their retirement is a stretch, and I do not think that you will achieve your goal with this kind of motivation.

I would love to quit. so far, i've shown some signs of improvement because i have been able to resist masturbating for two days. It's like as soon as i ejaculate, I just want to end porn forever. it's like the porn is just my coping mechanism or something. I don't really want it, but when i need to masturbate, I have to use it. and when I masturbate without it, I don't see how that changes things. I feel just the same, with a little bit of guilt. I keep hoping that I can quit, and i know it might not be as easy as I think, but I'm not going to stop. whenever I feel the urge to masturbate, it's like somebody is holding me down with chains and fetters, and then after that, I am set free.

Originally Posted by emgreen

I'm not sure what you're looking for then...You're the one who stated that you wanted to stop watching porn. Your two other threads asking for advice about stopping masturbation were equally puzzling. If you don't want advice, don't solicit it. Maybe it's time to grow up.

what i really meant was that if anyone agrees with me that i should stop, then they should respond. but if they don't think that i should, then they should not post at all because i have made up my mind to quit and if anyone has any advice for me on how i can start the process, then they can post. i hope that clears up a bit.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by heyitsme7

anyone agrees with me that i should stop, then they should respond. but if they don't think that i should, then they should not post at all because i have made up my mind to quit and if anyone has any advice for me on how i can start the process, then they can post. i hope that clears up a bit.

These two things, in bold, are not related.

1) a person can be anti-masturbation for whatever reasons to the point of making a call for other people such as you, and that would lead such a person to agree that you should stop. They may not know how to stop, but would agree that you should.

2) a person can be anti-masturbation or anti-porn for whatever reasons to the point of making a call for other people and that would lead him/her to agree that you should stop, AND, they may actually know how to stop, besides agreeing that you should.

3) a person can believe that it is weird to have your train of thought, but since you do have your train of thought and have made up your mind, be willing to help you and know how to help you, even if they disagree with you. In other words, such people know how to help you and are willing to help you even though they do not believe that you have a problem.

4) a person may believe that your train of thought is weird and, further, disagree with you, and, at any rate, not know how to stop.

5) a person can believe that your train of thought is weird, but whatever it is, you are entitled to your train of thought, your opinions, decisions, etc., so if such a person knew how to help you, he or she would help you, regardless of that person's beliefs. But without knowing how to help you, they cannot.

You can only get help from people in (2) and (3).

The commonality between (2) and (3) is that people in (2) and (3) KNOW how to stop.

You wrote: "if anyone agrees with me that i should stop, then they should respond"

In other words, you are inviting people in (1) and (2) to respond. This is bad for two reasons:

- you will be wasting your time reading the responses from people in (1), because they cannot help you.

- you will not be able to benefit from the responses from people in (3) because you are telling such people NOT to respond.

I personally do not know how to stop watching porn because I do not understand what you get from watching porn so I have never started and hence do not know how to stop. But if you see it as a problem, I would try to help you if I could. I cannot - I do not know how, except for repeating the badminton suggestion for the umpteenth time. So I am in (5).

[Open Eyes]

((heyitsme)),

I can't remember how old you are, but if I remember correctly you are in late teens early 20's? That is the height of sexuality for young men. This attraction to porn and masturbation is actually "pretty normal" you know.

If I remember correctly young men produce a constant flow of sperm and then they need to "release" it in someway. I think it's pretty "normal" to desire that release daily for many males tbh.

It's possible that you are just "mentally" growing past this porn as being your release aide and thats why you might want to "stop".

I am just concerned that you might not realize "what is normal" for most males and punish yourself if you are not somehow successful in truely stopping. There should not be a sense of "disappointment" in yourself for doing something that is normal though. So please don't "self punish" for normal male desires and just being "human".

OE

[hamster-bamster]

I believe he is still in middle school, Open Eyes, but your point still applies to him fully.

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

These two things, in bold, are not related.

1) a person can be anti-masturbation for whatever reasons to the point of making a call for other people such as you, and that would lead such a person to agree that you should stop. They may not know how to stop, but would agree that you should.

2) a person can be anti-masturbation or anti-porn for whatever reasons to the point of making a call for other people and that would lead him/her to agree that you should stop, AND, they may actually know how to stop, besides agreeing that you should.

3) a person can believe that it is weird to have your train of thought, but since you do have your train of thought and have made up your mind, be willing to help you and know how to help you, even if they disagree with you. In other words, such people know how to help you and are willing to help you even though they do not believe that you have a problem.

4) a person may believe that your train of thought is weird and, further, disagree with you, and, at any rate, not know how to stop.

5) a person can believe that your train of thought is weird, but whatever it is, you are entitled to your train of thought, your opinions, decisions, etc., so if such a person knew how to help you, he or she would help you, regardless of that person's beliefs. But without knowing how to help you, they cannot.

You can only get help from people in (2) and (3).

The commonality between (2) and (3) is that people in (2) and (3) KNOW how to stop.

You wrote: "if anyone agrees with me that i should stop, then they should respond"

In other words, you are inviting people in (1) and (2) to respond. This is bad for two reasons:

- you will be wasting your time reading the responses from people in (1), because they cannot help you.

- you will not be able to benefit from the responses from people in (3) because you are telling such people NOT to respond.

I personally do not know how to stop watching porn because I do not understand what you get from watching porn so I have never started and hence do not know how to stop. But if you see it as a problem, I would try to help you if I could. I cannot - I do not know how, except for repeating the badminton suggestion for the umpteenth time. So I am in (5).

i don't see what i can possibly get out of it, either. i mean, once ejaculation takes place, i wish i had not gone on those sites.

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I believe he is still in middle school, Open Eyes, but your point still applies to him fully.

i am 17.

besides, i am kind of skinny. i feel like it has something to do with masturbation because before i did not lose any weight. even my friend who's a year younger than me has grown an inch taller than me.

i don't know if any girls will be attracted to me when i get older.

[emgreen]

I've never been a big fan of porn, but when I was living in Europe, "soft porn" was shown on mainstream cable channels after 10:00 at night. They have a much more liberal attitude about sexuality & the human body. Much of the discomfort with the human body & sexuality we have in this country is cultural...a vestige of our puritan past. I do, however, believe that one can become addicted to porn to satisfy their urges...neglecting more "normal" outlets for sexual desire. If you "need" porn as a sole means of achieving relief from your urges, then it may be a problem you have to deal with.

Open Eyes also raises a good point. I'm in my 50's now, but I remember what it was like being a young man when my hormones were raging. There's a phenomena we called "blue balls," where a failure to relieve the flow of sperm produced during that period can actually cause pain in the testicles. Again, however, it's good to engage in most things in moderation. I believe it is possible to become addicted to masturbation (if it interferes with your "normal" daily routine).

These may be things you don't want to read, but I believe an open discussion of matters physical & sexual may help you ease some of the discomfort you're feeling now. I hope you can find peace & be honest with yourself about your situation. Sometimes over-thinking things can be an unnecessarily anxiety provoking matter.

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by heyitsme7

besides, i am kind of skinny. i feel like it has something to do with masturbation because before i did not lose any weight. even my friend who's a year younger than me has grown an inch taller than me.

This would have nothing to do with your height & weight, hey. You'll develop & meet someone you love someday...Try not to let your insecurities get the best of you.