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#1
Apr 28, 2014, 08:58 PM
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I am admitting it to the world that I have a problem. I have been married ten years with the most awesome, insanely beautiful woman any man could ever wish for. she is my rock and my best friend. however, I have really really hurt this wife of mine with looking at online porn and most recently engaging in inappropriate text messages with another woman, nothing was ever physical but it was the same in a way. over the last 10 years I have been caught by my wife on 3 separate occasions looking at online porn and this last time was caught having inappropriate texts and sending pictures with another woman. I have been doing a lot of soul searching the last 74 days since my wife found out about my latest "adventures". I have to say I thank god every day that my wife has not left me this time. she was ready and I wouldn't have blamed her one bit. the hurt I have caused her is the worst punishment I could ever imagine. I have looked deep into my soul and have finally realized that I was never ever truly satisfied with looking at online porn and the two occasions that I text with that other woman wernt even close to being satisfying. I belive that it wasn't satisfying because I was really looking for a woman that was my wife. I know, I know this sounds really strange but my wife turns me on like no one else ever has (or as I believe, ever will) so why the online porn, why the other woman? why would I resort to this dark place? I believe that I lost sight of what was really important and that's the love my wife and I share in our marriage. I was so wrapped up into having intercourse with her that I forgot how to make love to her. I felt so hurt from being turned down for sex with my wife by my wife that I resorted to porn because it didn't say "I have a headache" or "im too tired tonight". I was selfish. I was ignorant and immature. my wife holds our family together. she is the "rock". she takes care of our two children, one of whom is special needs, and is busy all day being used as a jungle gym by our special needs son that no wonder shes not in the mood. its hard though because I think my wife is gorgeous and I miss us being together but I know I have so much work ahead of me to finally get rid of this addiction. I want my life, I want to live free. I am a sex addict and I am taking it one day at a time.............
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 Anonymous100305, Anonymous200265
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 punkybrewster6k
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#2
Apr 28, 2014, 10:17 PM
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If you're getting some strong urges think of your wife while when you pleasure yourself before you talk to other girls or watch them! the good ole fashioned! Help her with the kids give her a break you may get lucky
 get your family bonds stronger do things for your wife without the intention of getting some. Show her how grateful you are for her sticking with you. Take her out to some nice evenings tell her what you're going to do differently(maybe therapy or group counselling??) just never forget how lucky you are to have someone who is so nice, beautiful, and caring. Spoil her everyday you will be forgiven
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| Travelinglady
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#3
Apr 29, 2014, 08:40 PM
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I think it's good that you are acknowledging that you have this problem, but I am also thinking you might consider countering that with the thought, "I am going to stop being a sex addict!" In other words, don't make it entirely a part of your identity.
Is that a good idea, folks? I know alcoholics are always considered alcoholics, but is that really true with someone who has been addicted to porn? |
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#4
Apr 30, 2014, 11:06 AM
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Quote:
that attitude has broken up more marriages and relationships than i can count, sex and intimacy is a beautiful thing it is the bond that makes the connection between two people the strongest & to discount that would be doing you and your wife a disservice. it is clear to me that you are dissatisfied with you sex life or you wouldn't be acting out with porn and inappropriate text messages these are only symptoms of what is wrong..the core problem is dissatisfaction with your sex life..you and you wife need to address this immediately before it gets any worse. just because someone is busy is not an excuse to not be intimate we all are busy, when you love someone you make time, it is ridiculous for you to have to "miss" being with your wife, it is her responsibility as a wife to take care of your sexual needs just as much as it is your responsibility to take care of hers..communication is key, sex is an extremely important part of a relationship and anyone who tells you otherwise is off their rocker. affection,trust,loyalty,companionship,teamwork and sexual satisfaction are the keys that make a marriage work remove any one of them and the marriage is doomed to problems and will eventually collapse, you wanting to have sex with your wife is only natural there is nothing immature about that, the problem with society is that it will have you believe the sex is a bad thing yet it's plastered all over the tv 24/7 find out how you can make it fun and more exciting, what turns her on, take some time to play with your son as well and let her rest up some, there are ways you guys can work this out! good luck hope this helps!!
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!  
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#5
May 07, 2014, 12:57 PM
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Your story is a lot like mine, but I never texted anyone. I hurt my wife of 10 years just as you did, and I also began wanting more sex and less lovemaking. Focusing on the physical instead of the whole experience.
Here are some ideas. Check out Gottman's book, What Makes Love Last, and look as his research on pornography. You may be a porn addict, or you may have a healthy, male sex drive, with little opportunities for a release. Take a break fora week or two from masturbating, but then go ahead and jerk off, but focus on your wife. Focus on times you've had, good experiences, her scent from an article of her clothes, whatever, but make her your focus, just to take the edge off. And now recognize that she probably wants romance as much as you want sex. Put the work into romancing her and making her feel special, and reap the rewards. |
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#6
May 08, 2014, 03:01 PM
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.....May not be the concern in this posting.. but this is enlightening:
"The current porn epidemic gives a graphic demonstration that sexual tastes can be acquired. Pornography, delivered by high-speed Internet connections, satisfies every one of the prerequisites for neuroplastic change [forming new neural circuitry- a key piece in addiction]. Pornography seems, at first glance, to be a purely instinctual matter: sexually explicit pictures trigger instinctual responses, which are the product of millions of years of evolution. But if that were true, pornography would be unchanging. The same triggers, bodily parts and their proportions, that appealed to our ancestors would excite us. This is what pornographers would have us believe, for they claim they are battling sexual repression, taboo, and fear and that their goal is to liberate the natural, pent-up sexual instincts................. Norman Doidge on pornography and neuroplasticity - worthwhile reading | Reuniting
__________________
“A person is also mentally weak by the quantity of time he spends to sneak peek into others lives to devalue and degrade the quality of his own life.” Anuj Somany “Psychotherapy works by going deep into the brain and its neurons and changing their structure by turning on the right genes. The talking cure works by "talking to neurons," and that an effective psychotherapist or psychoanalyst is a "microsurgeon of the mind" who helps patients make needed alterations in neuronal networks.” Norman Doidge |
| JadeAmethyst
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#7
May 09, 2014, 04:12 AM
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Is there any way you can make it somehow more enjoyable for her? Does she have some deep fantasies maybe that once known, will make her love sex just as much as you do? I've learn't the hard way that hiding stuff from people just makes it more difficult in the end to solve a problem you might be having. Once all the "facts" are on the table, the "diagnosis" can be very different from what you first imagined. You might find that she had totally something else hidden away in her mind and is actually so happy that you got it out of her, that she feels completely liberated and will love you back very much for it. Now, I don't mean to shock you or make you feel uncomfortable, but it must be YOU who talks to her and works this out, so that she bonds with YOU again. Also, time is not on your side here, the sooner the better, because the last thing you would ever want is some OTHER man jumping in and "unlocking" her before you've had the chance. Show her that you are still a better option than anything else she can find. Maybe you've just got to tell her the truth also, complete from A to Z. She's going to think differently about you then. There is another hard lesson I had to learn, and that is that a man's work is never done. Your best doesn't stay good enough forever, there always comes a time when you've got to evolve again and redefine what you're about. It's a crazy old life this, where the problems you're having with X has little or nothing to do with X itself, but rather Y and Z!
 . All the best to you and I hope you can sort this out. I would love to have a wife like yours one day, I can only imagine how amazing it must be. I've been close before, but no cigar  .
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| brainhi
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#8
May 25, 2014, 06:58 AM
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Hi again J0207, is there any way you can take exactly what you've written here and convey it to your wife? What you wrote here is extremely good and brutally honest, you got right down to the bare bones of the issue. I think if you could have this honest discussion with your wife, all the details and things you describe here, she'll understand a whole lot better. You're in a good position in that you really love you're wife. You're not tired of her which is a good thing. Many other guys cheat on their wives because they don't love them anymore. I can tell you're wife is still the one that does it for you the most and that's great. You're a good guy, and you guys should just discuss this stuff openly and frankly. If I may make a suggestion, I would almost say cut and paste what you said here and tell her just like you did here. All the best man, and I hope it all works out for you
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