my husband is into S&M

my husband is into S&M which I have known about before we got married. it seemed okay then, but i never really liked it. the whole tying him up thing, inflicting pain and such just gets tiresome after a while. now it seems that we just can't have normal sex. it has to involve S&M and me using sex toys on him. i want to make him happy and i'm glad he enjoys it -- but i would just like normal sex. and what does they whole S&M thing mean? psychologically what is behind it? why do people get turned on by that?

I honestly am not an expert on it but often times it is about the taboo aspect of it. Some persons get excited by things that seem unacceptable. The other thing is it becomes more of a physical thing then an emotional and spiritual act. I imagine that your partner may be trying to keep the level of interpersonal connectedness at a minimum. It's about the pleasure and the pain which are all physical sensations, numbing or masking the vulnerable side of sex. Please don't go and bang your significant other over the head with the "You just want to have sex like animals and I wanna feel some emotion in it.", because that may not be the case. I think it is fair to expect some compromise in the way you two interact. I would hope that he would validate you and your wishes enough to engage in intimacy in a way that is more then a physical act. I hope this helps facilitate some communication between you and your partner and that you can grow closer. Good luck

PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THE FOLLOWING SERIOUSLY. DISCLAIMER: CURRENTLY MANIC. It sounds like he likes the masochist role. There is a way to inflict pain on him without touching him or having sex. Next time he begs you to hurt him, give him a smile and a wink and growl "NOOO" at him...get it? I know I am going to get in trouble for this one...harmless joke. Couldn't resist.